Published December 17, 2011
"Sometimes it's better being alone," you murmur in the thick silence that's laced through the air.
"What do you mean?" I turn around in the bed, half unwillingly, because the blanket is warm, and still smells like you.
You know, a number of curious things have happened since you entered my life, such as the butterfly resort growing in the pit of my stomach, the interest I suddenly take in your voice, and my addiction to your scent. Sweet, yet somehow not, just like the forest on cold, rainy days, with the air cold and stinging my cheeks.
Your face is pressed against my pillow, so that only one of your eyes is completely open. And you're looking at me, memorizing my face, it seems, in a way that makes me blush. "It's just... better," you whisper, and your voice is husky and sad, so sad I want to cry, though I hardly know why.
"You can't explain it?" I try again, and scoot just a tiny bit closer under the covers. You touch my cheek with your fingertips and purse your lips. You have this thoughtful look on. You're brooding, I realize just a moment too late, you don't even see me anymore.
"When you're alone, nobody can hurt you."
Silence.
Then I take a deep breath. "Have I ever hurt you?"
"No." You pause. "But you will."
"What if I promise not to?"
"Then you'd be lying."
I study your face; the curves of your eye, the sharp cheek, the curvy nose. You seem so sure of yourself right now. I wish I had a mirror, so you could see the stubborn shape of your mouth.
Sometimes I'm so scared you'll fly away.
"Then is it just better to stay all alone?" I ask softly. I think tears are catching in my throat, but I'm not sure. There you go, leaving me, but not really leaving, just like always.
"Yeah, I think so."
Silence.
Then I take a deep breath. "I think you're wrong. I'll prove you wrong."
Finally, you smile. Your teeth sparkle in the dim light. "I said sometimes, didn't I?"
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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hey there!
At times this piece could be a little confusing and I had to go back and make sense of it myself, however it was beautifully written and quite unique! I found it very interesting, although I am now left interested as to how she will prove to him that he's wrong. I love the fact that they are both nameless, it means it is relatable to more people and we can, ourselves picture who these two people are!
Brilliantly written!
Hey.
I just want to get the basics out of the way first.
I was a bit iffy about your writing style at first, but then I got used to it. It doesn't get in the way, and you still manage to keep the same point of view throughout it.
Now, to the actual story.
I really like it. It shows in a simple, quick way the pleasures of close to someone you care for. It also shows the anxiety and depression that sinks in when you think someone is denying you. And though, at this moment, I really did not need to read a story like this for my own emotional sake, I do enjoy it- and not just because of the quick save at the end.
All in all, good story
Hey there!
This was simple and beautiful. Your description was nice, and I could picture pretty much everything. I liked your dialogue too, it wasn't forced or melodramatic. I have one little nitpick:
Nice job
A wise reviewer once told me to avoid ellipses as much as possible in fiction.
Also, I think you're trying to pull off the 'vague' style, but I was just a wee bit confused, and I'd like a pinch more detail about what's going on. For example, who's the guy and who's the girl, where they are, etc. Otherwise, well done! Keep writing
Ok so I have to say that i really enjoyed this, but at the same time i kind of agree with Disenchanted. I was kind of confused throughout the story too. Why was he saying it was better to be alone when he was in bed with someone? Had they just gotten finished having sex and he didn't want her thinking he loved her? Is he trying to break up with her, or just messing with her? Just some random thoughts.
Hey there! C:
Just wanted to say that this piece was very... interesting. It kind of confused me at times though. Was this 'you' breaking up with the narrator or was this person simply stating out of the blue that being alone is sometimes better?
The use of dialogue and descriptive words kept me hooked to reading it although my confusion was nagging at the back of my mind. I loved the detail you put into it and the way you explained the narrator's emotions well.
I have to admit, I didn't really like the way you were talking in second person-ish. I couldn't tell apart the 'you' in the story from the simple word you. I saw what you were aiming for though.
All in all, I really did like this story. It was short, simple, and sweet. <3 Keep writing~
~DIsenchanted
Hey there!
See you around...
It was really good. The way you have written was really amazing. I could imagine each and every sentence when I read it.
Though it's a simple plot, it was interesting. Keep writing