tgirly

Hello and Happy Review Day! The beginning of your poem had a sort of clunky feel to it- though not necessarily in a bad way. The way you broke up ...

Hi, Eyes! I can empathize with formatting problems; I find if you use google chrome instead of windows explorer, it'll let you put in the line breaks, and to differentiate ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! I decided to go to the beginning. A really minor thing: I might put asterisks around the author's note at the beginning so people can ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! Like your username. Is that a homestuck reference? "Its implied light will lighten you" This line is a bit confusing. How and why is the ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! In the third stanza, it says "I still, am me" Is the comma there for a stylistic tempo choice? If it is, that's totally cool; ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! Is there any important symbolism to the bird being a bloomed crepe myrtle? I might just put myrtle because, maybe it's a regional thing, but ...

Instead of 'Pausing for no one.' I might put 'no thing' because you then go on to list things that the gears aren't pausing for so this would be more ...

Hello! Instead of "I'd feel" in the second line, it might work better with 'I felt'. "A callous coated my tender heart" This is my favorite line. "I moved away ...

Hello! I like this piece; I like how it flows all the way through, until the very end when the narrator admits the person's failure. The biggest point of confusion, ...

Hello! First off, love your avatar! Turtles are awesome. But onto the piece. 'looking through it's contents' should be looking through its contents. "there was absolutely nothing" If there wasn't ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! The third line seems a bit long and sort of messes with the flow of the poem. Also, it feels like you just gave up ...

Hello! Did you mean for this to be all one stanza like this, or was it formatting issues? I think it'd be good either way, I'm just wondering. I interpret ...

Hi, pinkie! The most confusing thing is whether or not the part in parentheses is part of the piece or not. If it isn't, I'd suggest putting it in a ...

A fable! How wonderful! Fables are such a lost art. "and set of immediately" should be and set off immediately. I wish you'd tell us where the 'exact place' is. ...

To me at least, this doesn't feel like a complete work, but a detail one might find in the middle of a short story or a poem, though an interesting ...