tgirly

You spelled aquaintance wrong, and I'm not completely sure I spelled it right, so you'll have to check that. I like the first part, but I'm not sure you pull ...

Nice poem, good job! You have some nice imagery in it, so good job with that. I don't think the last line is as dramatic as it's intended/could be. But ...

awaken shoud be awakened with a 'd.' Other than that, there weren't any grammatical mistakes and the poem had a nice flow, so good job with that! I'm not sure ...

The categories are kind of confusing, it's fine if you posted it in the wrong category. You, and this poem, definitely have potential. If you could just clean up the ...

You should probably work on your punctuation at the end of the line. Also, the last line of the first stanza was off, it kind of messed up the flow ...

I thought it had a great rythm in the first stanza which you kind of lost in the second two. My favorite part would probably be the first stanza or ...

Hi, I like the poem a lot, is has really good imagery, but I think you need to work on the pace of the poem a bit. There were a ...

This chapter made me laugh. I have trouble with those sleeping bag bag-things too. You have done an excellent job at showing not telling, something I have trouble with. You've ...

You should put that it gets darker or something, because it goes from it being noon to them looking for a place to stop pretty quickly. Again, short chapter, love ...

It feels a little rushed at some parts because of some grammer mistakes. If you looked over your work though, it could be very nice. I agree with Ajt that ...

Tgirly: Hi! I like it, it's extremely deep and serious, yet also with a touch of lightness to it. There were grammer and a few spelling errors (when I read ...

I love it. There's a lot of grammatic/spelling errors you could fix, but no flaws within the plot. I love the suspense your creating, hinting in the second chapter about ...

Wow, I really like it. I love the imagery, how you didn't give us too much detail, but we can still see it in our mind's eye so perfectly. My ...

At the beginning, everything is in past-tense, but then the last half is in present tense. I have trouble remembering to keep in the same tense too, and it's easily ...

I can't wait for the next chapter, you definitely know how to keep someone interested. My only critique is that it might be a tad bit repetitive, with him knocking ...