silented1

light fell from her palms into gray craters and chasms You need to finish this idea, it's an incomplete image because we don't know what it's falling into, I can ...

I could see you hold it all in, like thunder in a glass bottle, and the cracks spread like spiderwebs. You should remove the pronoun it and replace that with ...

Happiness has yet to be and invention. Do you and to be an? New to anything and everything but itself. Filled with fresh soil and old collection, An old collection? ...

their pitter patter a lovely song You're either missing an is between patter and a, or you might want to make their into they and add a verb. Or punctuate ...

Fast pace, and bare. It's a good outline of thoughts and I like the process, the only problem is that it has no form. No imagery, but that would be ...

Well, after reading the first two questions; I think you might not have enough substance in this poem to make the questions more powerful and really ring out to us. ...

I believe you should add to this a little. There isn't a lot of connection between your lines / ideas. You go from bridges falling to some stone door and ...

Nice, short poem. But you need to add to it. There's not a lot to relate to, plus the words like: come fly with me have little meaning because there's ...

Hope was written in the lines of her eyes, scripted and sweet like nectar; it spoke from her lashes, extending to the lost and blinking in renewal. It sang from ...

I do not believe you need the first two stanzas really. They are reflected upon / mentioned later on in the poem where it has more importance and is used ...

First three or so words: The carving was done. Move that to where it has some more relevence. In the beginning like that, it's an unexpanded idea that is immeadately ...

Stanzas two and three reflect the same ideas but they're kinda TOO similar. They're repetitive, it doesnt' move from the cage idea totally, and you can remove that (rib) part, ...

Well. The ideas in the first stanza don't leave the first stanza. It speaks mostly of what is later on in life. It sounds somewhat like a highschool or a ...

Well, your poem doesn't really move from the idea that I'm here for you and life sucks. Which is okay, because that is the idea of your poem. What is ...

Creep slowly eyes down waiting to eat golden steel. Cracked knuckles and teeth made of wood. This imagery is good, it gives us a direct image of what you're talking ...