shineondiamondeyes

For the first time in this style I think you did a splendid job, honestly. I liked the flow of it. One place you could improve is your transitions. In ...

Hmmm... Interesting. Before I dive head first into this critique, I would like to point out that you did have a few errors in grammar and spelling here and there. ...

I'm ver confused right now. I'm not sure quite what you were trying to do, or what the poem was even about but I liked it. No, I loved it. ...

All righty. Before I delve into this let's all take a deep breath. All right now that that's out of the way let''s get started. I. I really liked this. ...

WHOOOOOO!!! YOU'VE HIT THE MARK VALENTIME!!! All right enough celebrating down to buisness. You were right lots of grammer errors. My suggestion for that is just read it out loud ...

So I have a few problems with this chapter. First I have lots of questions. Normally that's not a bad thing, you want the reader to ask questions to keep ...

So... Well... I've got a bone to pick with you. I don't know where you live but I can tell you it's not Colorado. I can tell that because I've ...

:thud: Oh. My. God. I. Love. It!!!! Wow! I read the frist chapter and I was confused as to where you were taking it. This is just the thing that ...

Ok. so I've got a lot of little nitpicks. Well a couple big ones at least. I really felt like you rushed through this story. I think you were just ...

Hey! WOW! I thought I was crazy. Goodness, my perception of the world was wacked. Anywho that's not the point. What I really wanted to say was when she's describing ...

Intersting idea. Expand on it, add some description and you got the makings of a good story. But word of advice, don't get to carried away. make sure there is ...

SO is there a prolouge for this? I don't know some of the comments were confusing. i like this story and it was well written but it had no lure. ...

Thats was simply wonderfully horrible! (That is a complement) I don't really get into horror but it really wasn't scary just sort of numbing and gripping. It was totally amazing ...

Totally dig this chapter more then the last. Its sweet!! Just a couple errors this time around. Not as much spelling and grammer. But I don't understand why the first ...

So great story so far. I'm about to head over and check out chapter two but before i do i have a couple of comments. First I think its a ...