Okay, So this is the first time I've really tried to do a non- rhyming poem, so tell me what you think.
He held my heart in his hands,
At first he was gentle,
But he started to poke at it,
And see how far he could push
Before it would break.
With one final jab,
My heart shattered into pieces.
He dropped it to the ground,
And lowered his head.
“I’m Sorry,”
Was all he could say,
And then he left without helping
Fix what he had done.
I tried putting the pieces back together again,
But the more I tried,
The more they broke,
Until I was sure my heart would never be whole again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Awesome! I loved it, and I couldn't stop reading until I was done! Good job!
If you need me to review anything, shoot me a PM!
~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~
Hey DisturbedDisorder. I didn't see any errors.
If it flows this good it doesn't have to rhyme! This is really sad but very good.
this was great, i loved the concept and you really made it flow.
well done
For the first time in this style I think you did a splendid job, honestly. I liked the flow of it. One place you could improve is your transitions. In the first stanza, for example, you could break into two parts. The first where he was gentle, the second when he started poking. I personally feel the separation would make reading it easier, because it is confusing and abrupt the way you have it now. The rest however is very well down and I encourage you to keep trying. You only get better with practice.