oneeyedunicornhunter

"In my head eclectic voices cry," shouldn't it be 'electric'? "Folly to not know't as blunder," don't see that contraction every day..i would cange it to 'know it'. i think ...

well, my attention was grabbed and you didn't bore me, so as far as that goes it's all good. you had some grammatical errors, but if you went back i'm ...

i'm afraid i'm going to have to be pretty critical was good, but there were some things that screamed "WRONG!" at me. Of my own self conscious(shouldn't it be consciousNESS?) ...

hmm let's see...you had some sentence errors, or at least things that should be improved or changed. as an introduction to the plot, this was actually really good. i don't ...

KENPACHI MASAMUNE ACTUALLY POSTED SOMETHING OTHER THAN A HEARTLESS CRITIQUE! i'm shocked. as for the story...i will...grudgingly say was pretty funny. Your humor was pretty clever. by the way kenpachi

this was okay, i especially liked this part: "you come home four out of five days: crying, Nervous breakdowns are taking over, " the way you separate it makes me ...

good poem, really liked it! but the ending was a bit rough. I cannot change the voice of my heart (i would change "cannot" to "can't" But I can silence ...

i would post a comment, but after reading that, i'm too scared. OH NO! TOO LATE! okay, fine, i'll comment. That was really original, and even though i didn't know ...

*mumbles something incoherent. you think i say something or other to do with Eragon not really being that bad of a book, but you're still not sure.* "What did you ...

ha! pretty good. it made me laugh, at least. i don't call it writer's block, though. i call it 'periods of absolutely no inspiration whatsoever'. because it's such a long ...

that was a really cool idea, good job! i had to read the last paragraph twice. If you rewrote it, that would pretty much take care everything I thought could ...

yeah this is good, and nb138 pretty much covered all the grammar. the second verse or stanza (or whatever :P ) was my facorite. it flowed better than the other ...

hmm...you definitely have some interesting things to say. you just need to work on how you say it. alright, you asked for help, so ima give it to you. :D ...

wow! really good poem, especially loved the ending. this bothered me the most: "Standing up now, our hands intertwined, the sun blinding us to everything around us." instead of saying ...

gadi was right about the stanza he pointed out. that was the main thing i think you should change. i don't think the rhetorical questions were bad, but i will ...