oneeyedunicornhunter

wow...this was awesome. your stanzas (or whatever) were short and blunt, and that made the point go home with me every line. sometimes the world needs a good slap in ...

AHH you started new sentences in the middle of lines. i am not pleased with this fact. :x i also felt like i was reading one big rant about america. ...

i'm sorry, i've written some pretty bad poems in my day...but this one wasn't really all that great. people say they liked the rhyme scheme, but there was no 'scheme', ...

hmm, i seem to recall a particularly nasty post you once gave me, Mr. Incandescence. still waiting for your ten page letter of apology...( deserve it for putting up with ...

ahhh, such a controversial topic to post a story about. i'm glad you didn't come right out and state that the MC was a guy--it made it much more powerful ...

right off the bat i saw a mistake..."Sunday evening in an astrology laboratory deep inside the heart of Oklahoma, a stunning discovery was being made." i believe you meant 'Atronomy'? ...

"To my anger there was someone already sitting in my spot." i would change 'anger' to 'frustration'. other than that, all of your errors appeared to be typos. this was ...

well, Griffinkeeper found that error--i thought there were more, but i didn't find any...they vanished, i suppose. looking back at it, it seems like the phone talked to the main ...

ha! there's only one way to get away with info-dumping: make it funny! and you did it. i have to say, those names were funny (my favorite was Shagumol HAHAHAHA), ...

wow...i'm sorry, but that is just...lame. there was virtually no flow, the whole thing was a jumbled mess of questions, and overeasy was right--you really have to make this less...gunky. ...

"No one answered. The soldiers exchanged glances, while Lily, out of the corner of her eye, saw a house getting burnt. " instead of 'a house getting burnt', perhaps you ...

have to say, as i started reading this, it seemed a bit bumpy. the rythm was hard to get into, and the rhyming seemed forced(and it pains me to say ...

wow..this was really good. only two things for me to comment on: 1)if your going to rhyme, it REALLY helps to have a rhyme scheme. you almost had one here, ...

nice beginning, really grabbed my attention! "I now possessed human hands."-- my eyes burned when i read this! its a simple mistake, easily fixed, but PLEASE make sure your tense ...

drowning pool is a band...not really sure what genre they are, but i call them 'metal gone bad'...let the bodies hit the floor is their most popular song(it's certainly the ...