Published April 13, 2008
*This is a poem about a love that is all too familiar*
You walk alone there,
down the street through chilled air.
Get home, hop into bed,
blankets up over your head.
You might be able to see
colours flash
on your two channel TV.
It’s late and you want to sleep
so dream of something
worthy to keep.
My life below yours;
high hopes reduced to crawls.
You’re not a believer.
Don’t leave, stay, feel my fever,
It burns skin with you close
but is aflame
when your not. The most
I try to convey doesn’t reach
you and I can’t stop
resenting this breach.
My eyes painted walls
from the insides of my world.
My legs long to move,
my heart strives to remove
strands of your magic from within,
your loose word
lost, causing my sin;
an innocent lust for someone
never imaginable.
I should have run.
Don’t you hear this?
My loud pleas for release?
You’re oblivious, innocent.
Leaving me in love torments
my day to day existence.
How cruel
is your blind resistance?
Your wings caressed my soul
and it sung back,
Now, girl, I am unwhole.
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141,651 Literary Works • 675,339 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this.
Have little else to say as it is very good.
Well Done
Wow! That was a powerful poem. Well written and good choice of words! Great poem, I really enjoyed reading it. You have much talent.
Thanks guys
Well...no, I've haven't thought about publishing as yet.
And the
"My eyes painted walls
from the insides of my world. " bit
meant to show a closed off, alone atmosphere. Maybe my eyes
painted with tears inside my head? I just didn't want some cliche 'I cried in my head' kinda thing.
have to say, as i started reading this, it seemed a bit bumpy. the rythm was hard to get into, and the rhyming seemed forced(and it pains me to say this, because when people say it to me it makes me want to cry...). but it got better, and the last part was really good.
"when your not. The most
I try to convey doesn’t reach "
i wouldn't recommend ending and continuing another sentence in one line.
"My eyes painted walls
from the insides of my world. "
not really sure what you were trying to say here...at first i thought it was an error, but now i'm not sure.
overall, this was an okay poem. keep it up!
WOW! same q as Vampy girl, are you? that was simply marvelous...
Wow! This was great, I loved the concept. Have you ever thought about getting published?
The ending was very strong.
Keep writing your great!
~Rachael
I really didn't see anything that needed to be fixed badly...as a whole this read well and, quite frankly, is one of the better poems I have seen on here...keep posting stuff like this.