oneeyedunicornhunter

Oh god. The baby... It's not in first person, so we can keep the expressions limited to character words and thoughts. Even elves needed rest. Good job on showing instead ...

Ok so I just started on this that's why it's so short but I'm working on it. Please read over and make sure its pretty interesting. THNX :smt059 You asked ...

Poem of the Prisoner As I lay in a cage I heart is beating with rage I still have the shame Who am I to blame "I heart is beating ...

"I haven’t seen my dad in seventeen years. I never will again." Everything else is in past tense, this should be "hadn't". Other than that, It wasn't too long, like ...

Not really much to say after CL's post...she covered all the grammatical errors, which there were quite a lot of. I liked the way you phrased certain things, but as ...

Hahaha! Very clever ending. :D I would rephrase some of the things, just a little bit of editing, nothing big. For example: "I wasn’t buying it one bit. Laughing coldly, ...

*growls like white tiger* ^ Punctuation! Please punctuate before I punch your face! Sorry. Just having a bit of fun...But seriously, it is important. I can't tell where one sentence ...

The cars rush by The other children fly To each open car door. Perhaps you meant to say "To open each car door"? And it should be "dread", not "dred". ...

Fantasy these days reminds me of Glam/Hair metal scene back in the '80s. People copying licks, themes, progressions, etc. Just let the whole thing blow over. In the mean time, ...

Wow, this wasn't really what I was expecting at all! I've gotten used to (and even begun to like) the sob-story type poems so many post, and that's what I ...

The descriptions went very nicely with the theme. It was short, but I can tell that a lot of personal memory and feeling went into it. The "thumpthumpthumpthump" made it ...

Although you said don't comment on spelling or grammar, I think it's important that I point out that there is no punctuation in this poem. Just make sure to include ...

A past I would rather forget clings to my skin— I struggle to chip it away, layer by layer. Beneath this film boils oozed, soars festered. EWWWW! :lol: Past pains ...

Hmm. This was certainly very thought provoking, not to mention very well written. I'm not really sure what to say about it...grammar and spelling are fine, obviously. The descriptions were ...

Pretty good, but nothing epic. I was getting overtones of passion in the beginning, but it seemed to flip-flop at this point: "Shining light starting to fight giving you hope ...