nightmarebook13

Hey, I really liked the image of the person you were going for. You "painted" the picture very well. As previously stated, watch the capitalization. I'm going to suggest the ...

Do you have somewhere you draw inspiration from or is this something your writing from a personal emotion? I agree very much with the previous comment that this comes off ...

ahola! unlike the others i think i saw the line pattern... on not so much patter but as a dramatic shape to take a breath sort of as to like ...

ahola! okay, first let me say this. i liked it. but i agree with above statements in the fact that it is tending to be a little vague. which is ...

okay.... hmmm.... very impressive. little dark but thats how i like it. perhaps draw inspriation from some music would help make it longer and more in depth. i want to ...

Like you said at the beginning , it was very repetitive. I don't quite understand what was happening. I mean, was the "baby" being restless , not sleeping, and, crying. ...

There wasn't any punctuation. There was so rhmye but not enough to keep a scheme. Otherwise I feel bad for him, but its not exactly clear why she didn't like ...

I get very easliy confused and in the middle of the song I was lost. By the end it all made sense. So now that I'm at the and it ...

Okay I sing for school,competions, etc. (yes I have won and my groups I'm in normally win to! :) ) Is the beat supposed to go fast? I sang here ...

Hello! Okay I noticed a couple of things, watch your spelling and grammar. Proofread your work before you sumbit. You had a couple of added words in there and I ...

there are a lot of unanswered questions that you might seem to think are obvious to the reader like, did her love her?, were they dating?, why is it so ...

Well written!! Great ending left suspense! Is the 2nd line suppose to end in anything?? Otherwise I think it was great... I have had dreams like that. :elephant: