My Glass Box

Hi, I'm going to review your poem today!

artistpersona wrote:I’m surrounded by glass
Which Frost’s lips have touched the personification doesn't work for me for one reason: I think you are talking about Robert Frost. Maybe I'm an insane nerd. Anyway, I think Which Frost has touched would work just as well.
I watch the people walk by
And they don’t hear me sigh
why use rhyme here and no where else? It sounds contrived

I’m in a glass box
Trying to find a way to be free trying to be free. don't ask, just change it, please.
And no one hears my weeping breaths how can you have weeping breaths? I don't understand.
As I fight through their own dreams nice!

I get inside their heads
Yet they don’t know I exist
And I save their little worlds
While they walk past me

But when the frost leaves the panes
And I can see clearly againis this an attempt to rhyme? It sounds like that, I can see clearly now the rain has gone song. Just saying.
I will step out of the box
And join their day join their day??? I don't get this line. Does not flow


This fits my char, Tova.

Thank you!
My poems are very random, and I can't really explain where the inspiration comes from. This one vaguely links to my life, in which I always feel like a lurker, not included. But others - like Black Heart - I don't understand myself, since (in that case) I've never even been in a romantic relationship, forget a breakup.

Do you have somewhere you draw inspiration from or is this something your writing from a personal emotion? I agree very much with the previous comment that this comes off very strong. My only criticism is to use more colorful adjectives.

Great job!
nightmare

I really liked this, the isolation that they feel is really strong .

Favourite line:

I get inside their heads
Yet they don’t know I exist
And I save their little worlds
While they walk past me