meggy86

Stabbed through the heart piercing every bit of hope and all that remained was memories that were cold This stanza doesn't really make sense. Each line presents an idea with ...

[quote]An onslaught of rain poured down from [b]grey, lurking clouds above me [/b]as lightning bolts stridently lit the sky. [/quote] This is fine as it is, but it might sound ...

Dear Jiggity, I like it! I've got to admit, I had to read it through twice before I completely understood what was going on but now it makes sense. It ...

I really like how you managed to create two realistic characters in only a few sentences. I really like it, and it would be cool if you kept going with ...

This is really good. I can never write short stories because I need lots of time to develop a plot and good characters but you just jump right in to ...

A Bridge of Colors I like the title. It really fits. A bridge of colors hangs, motionless in the sky. You could try seperating this into two lines if you ...

The cooling wind swings (huh?) briefly in the humid, July air. As a spotless[s], [/s]digital camera clicks away, the girl posing grows more and more anxious. Her soft, chocolate brown ...

[quote]I lift my gaze towards the morning sky, Whose broken pieces glow the palest blue - The [b]canopoy[/b] of trees hides what is true - And so remains untouched by ...

Outside in the cold blowing wind, Nice intro! I already have an image of standing outside on a cold winter day with ice pelting my face, which I futilely try ...

I don't know why, but I've always loved thunderstorms. Maybe it's the steady pound of the rain on the roof. Maybe it's the feel of my heart having an adrenaline ...

I really like your story so far. In a matter of paragraphs, we are introduced to your character whom we instantly relate with and feel bad for,give us an action ...

[quote="peace-love-dream"]This is a very very very very rough draft of the very beginning of my book. It needs to be revised a lot so please don't hesitate to criticize [quote]I ...

[quote] All of this was my fault. [/quote] Catchy intro. I like it. I just love the way you jump right to the action instead of throwing in a bunch ...