lyrical_sunshine

I couldn't find anything to critique in this except "He had partaken of a bitter cup." I'm not quite sure "partaken" is the right word. You might want to check ...

Chapter Six The next day, near the end of their class with Jataal, the battle mage asked Tannar to stay after the hour was up. (..."to stay after the session"? ...

Dang. Just dang. You've really got something here. First of all, you caught my interest and you used little or no dialogue - that in and of itself is an ...

Chapter Four Headmaster Tavrinal bent over a few sheets of parchment, his pen scratching as he wrote. The candle beside him dripped wax onto the oak desktop as the flame ...

I'm not sure this is poetry...but that's ok. :D I agree with Sketch. I think you should describe the fireworks a little. Not in great, poetic detail, because that's not ...

Hmm, I think Vernon and Insomnia got most of the grammar issues. That being said, this was a very original piece and not what I expected at all. Nice job. ...

I would not feel in the least bit right about critiquing this. Thank you for posting it - I truly think that some girls have had things like this happen ...

All my corrections/comments are in bold, okay? :D *Note to those who follow my work* I will continue to work on N&R, and others. Just wanted to get this off ...

Breathing roams through me no more. Those in and ex hail storms of doubt. That thrives on me and all I’m for. I'll be honest - I don't really understand ...

Hello! My name is Sunny and I will be your reviewer for today! *waves* The bolded words and phrases are my comments or corrections, and words or phrases with slashes ...

It had been three hundred dollars. Try, "It cost three hundred dollars." “Anyway. Why am I here?” “The government is less likely to bug a government building.” She nodded. “Word.” ...

I just sort of threw this together during a school day. I just want to see what others think of it. Carter Adams, an unwanted teen of 19 years, walked ...

Hmm...I agree with Kylan. This is well-written and you have excellent grammar, but it seemed to drag on too long. Sure, have him wrestle with himself, but think about it ...

Hey! I have been working on this for ages, then suddenly and violently fell out with it! I think i've seen it too many times, I now truly hate it. ...

The boy stared at it. It stared back. The silence lingered, stretched taut. Neither of them said anything; the boy was too terrified to think and with good reason. The ...