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Re: Horror: Forever You and I
This is quite good! There's no explanation or anything; it just gets right into it. But it's still understandable, so that just allows the reader to decide for theselves who ...
May 1, 2010 -
Re: Mirrors
I agree with everyone else: this is amazing. The second-person really fits, and the descriptions are good. Maybe add a few more about the girl and the setting. Also, how ...
Apr 28, 2010 -
Re: spy book
Good story! It's really exciting. Readers will definitely not want to stop because the beginning is too boring. But maybe give a little more of a background, because it's confusing. ...
Apr 28, 2010 -
Re: A Not-So-Normal Study Abroad Trip
I really like your beginning. Your descriptions make it seem as if I was actually in Israel, and they seemed pretty accurate. A couple questions, though. How did Sariah get ...
Apr 25, 2010 -
Re: Should I continue this or not?
Keep going! Original concept! But shall I shed mercy, or not? We'll see. Muahahahaha! First of all, I have portfolios for English class, and the one we're working on now ...
Feb 16, 2009 -
Re: Dragon Fire
Nice environmental story. It is a story, right? The whole preface thing? So I agree with mikedb1492 about the fake grass and the paragraphs. In one of my stories, I ...
Feb 13, 2009 -
Re: Evil unleashed
Interesting beginning. As mentioned by Haruno Sakura, if you want people to read and review on your work, there are two things you have to work on. 1) Use better ...
Feb 13, 2009 -
Re: beverly hills murder
Cool idea! I like the lack of introduction, but you should introduce everyone later in some interesting way (not this person was thins...), so the reader wouldn't be confused. Also, ...
Feb 13, 2009 -
Re: Tormenter
Awesome story! Keep writing. There was just enough description. Just a few tips, though. It was a bit annoying that there were no names. Maybe have the girl known to ...
Jan 19, 2009 -
Re: Two worlds
Interesting poem. Some things could be fixed, but they're pretty small. But Times plans weren't done. Shouldn't it be, "Time's" or something. And I like how you capitalized the "T" ...
Jan 13, 2009 -
Re: Forgotten- Chapter 1
Great story so far. Keep it up! There are some suggestions, though. By my guess, they were standing relatively close to my head. The "By my guess," part seemed awkward. ...
Jan 13, 2009 -
Re: The Sparkly Adventures of Bryce {volume 1}
A little weird, but makes the reader want to read the next one. big headed Shouldn't there be a dash instead of a space(big-headed)? "What's a sparkle?" Where did he ...
Jan 4, 2009 -
Re: Halloween
This was a really creepy story! I liked it. Some things could be better, though. Try describing the man just a little bit more, and his relationship with Madeline. Don't ...
Jan 4, 2009 -
Re: Radiated Dust
I don't think of nuclear power and all of that particularly interesting, but you made it almost sound exciting. There were some things I didn't like, of course, too. Most ...
Jan 4, 2009
