z

Young Writers Society



Evil unleashed

by hockeypunk


NOTE:be for you read my story pleese realize that this is just a rough draft i know there will be words and grammer missing once i get the storie all done i will finalize it pleese dont critisize me on that you will see why in the sixth chapter later. I hope you enjoy =)

Evil unleashed

chapter one-the creation

Seno was once human until one faithfull accident had changed his life forever he was in a

coma as the doctors thought about pulling the plug the scientist of area 81, have thought

that they had the solution to awaken him from his slumber they had put him in a tube like

chamber in which they were doing all kinds of tests on his body while he was unconsience. But

at the time they had put an eletrical shock in to the chamber, seno had awaken slowly his

vision blured not knowing where he was until the shock went threw his body everyone looked

at him and gasped scientist 1:"Turn that thing off now befor it over loads!" worker: "I-I cant

its not responding." The mashine over loaded as it exploded with him still inside it, as there

was too much smoke for everyone to see if he was alright they all put ther hands up to

cover there eyes from the smoke, as it started to clear they could still see his body as seno

slowly started to rise to his feet, he seen that his whole body had changed, he can feel power

pulsing threw him, he liked the feeling but he didnt know that new found power would

come with a price to pay. As he stood there he looked at how thin his body was, the better

vision he had, as well as hearing, but as he stood there he felt a sharp pain threw his body his

eyes glew red and his ears had a high pitch ringing sound seno:"Wha-whats happening to me?"

Fangs grew on his teath and his finger nails grew sharp, he let out a growl as he stood, his

vision had changed all his suroundings different he could see the people, but not with his normal

vision, he was picking up their body heat, so he did not know that they were good, so seno's first

reaction was to instantly strike them. He clawed at one of the scientists throat slicing it open

as he attacked, and apears fast behind the last one and bites his fangs down hard sucking him

dry, the worker pulled out a gun as seno looked at him the worker started shooting, seno

used the scientist as a shieald and all the bullets went in to the scientist insted of him as

he dropped the scientist he was down in a crouch position looking from side to side of the

room looking for a way out, he looked up, seeing glass with the moon light shining threw

it with his great strength he pushed off his legs and jumped high into the air as he breaks

threw the glass, he lands on top of the building and escapes into the night dazed and confused.

chapter two reclice act:

Voice over:"Hold on, hold on you are probably wondering how I ended up here in the

situation that I am in. Lets go back in time shall we? *Movie rewinds*Look right about here.

*Plays again* Ok now I was just working in a club this night when it all went down. You know

just listen, Seno was at the bar counter serving some drinks to a customer talking to

a young girl as the music played in the background, Seno was about five Ft. nine In. With a black and

white tux on, he had black hair and a smile that could stun any girl as he handed her the drink.

The doors to the main entrence flung open to an explosion of a missle all the customers ducked

down as the men in that the group, Seno had joined, came out of a hidden passage way with

mashine guns Seno ducked under his counter taking out an AK. Automatic as the swat team stormed

into the building they shot off tear gas, which stund all the people the gang members started

to fire off their wepons, but the bullets weren't doing any good, they were missing. Seno loaded

his gun, and he was a sharp shooter which was one of the bug reasons why the head leader let him

into the gang, Seno took out five of the swat members at that time the swat team decided to

shoot Knock-out gas into the building, the exploasion went off and seno's vision started to get blury

he was lucky enough to get one more shot off and kill the guy that had fired the gas off as his

vision blackened he could see the leader of the squad, a black, tall guy he was bald with two dog tags

on him, he had walked over to Seno and with the gun in hand, he had he hit him over the head knocking

him out cold. As Seno layed there, he keeps getting imiges of what is going on while he is still

knocked out, Seno heard the black male talking, telling other two guys, to pick Seno up and take

him to the lab along with him, they took him and put him in a van as all the solders jumped in,

he could hear them talking about there family's or what they are going to do with there wife,

'till the moment that he blanked out and slept. They brought Seno to a big lab that did experiments

on humans and he was just another victom, they brought him into a room as his vision came back,

but he was still knocked out, he heard doctors telling the men to chain him up in the tube as the cold cuffs around his arms and ankles he hung there, the doctors had placed wires on his chest he had nothing on but underwire they put a mask over his nose and mouth so Seno could breath, and closed the tube. The tube filled up with some kind of green liquid, which filled the entire tube, and when Seno came too he started to come back and his vision was blury that is when it all happened.

chapter 3: The key to desteny

It is dark and cold out, Seno's skin is now pale, he stands on the roof top of the lab trying

to regain his thoughts as he looks around, everything seemed normal, he found the escape latter

and climed down it. He was now on the dark streets, with few people on the sidewalks and more

taxies then cars. He was on his way to his apartment holding his head as the pounding intencified, he walked home to his run-down apartment that was one floor with a wooden door. He took out his keys and unlocked the door he slid his hand slowly acrossed the wall trying to find the light switch, the wall was rough. He had found the light switch and turned on the light, the room filled up with light and he could barly see around the room the couch was in the middle of the room with the TV off in front of it. He stumbled over to the couch and floped down onto it his hand hitting the coffie table he passed out from beeing so dizzy of what happened.

He realy didn't have much memory of what happened, prior to after the esplosion, only how he ended

up in the explosion. He went to sleep 'till the next day, the sun had awaked him from his deep slumber.

His awakend vision coming into focase as he looked over, he turned on the tv to see the news. He had

seen that there had been a metal box in his hand with a note on it, Seno took the note and read it,

he didn't understand the note, so he decided to just open the metal box, he took what was in it out and to

his suprise was a strange looking ring with coding on the side of it and a blue colored stone on top. He had thought nothing of it but for just being a normal ring, so he put it back into the box and got up and went to the window. The sun made his eyes burn, he hissed at it, and turned and ran over to the box quickly taking the note, this time able to read it, seeing it was from his deceased father talking about the ring and the powers that it beholds inside it. Seno took the ring out of the box once more and putting on the ring sent a shock threw his hand, analizing his DNA finding that he was the right host, the ring explained everything through a virtual map that had been projected out of the stone. Seno was amazed to what he is seeing, it showed him how his dad had died through the people. Seno decided he needed to go out and get some answers, question people, he knew he couldn't go out there because of the sun and how it bothers his eyes Seno put on a black leather coat and a mask that hid his mouth he put dark sunglaces on and the leather jacket had a hood that went over his head so he can blend-in with the crowed, he had the ring on as he turned off the TV and went out the door into the blazing sun walking among the crowed of people......

chapter four: Lust

While walking through the sidewalks, Seno spotted some of the people that had kept an eye on him through-out the time he had left his home what he didn't know is that the men both were working for the misterious colored man that had knocked him out. Seno spotted them walking slowly behind him, he decided to get some answers out of them. He needed to know who was behind all of this stuff happening. he went down a dark ally where he disapeared in to the darkness, the men stopped at the begining of it looking down towards it, one telling the other to go down and look for him. He did what he was told clearly to do by the leader of the group, as he made his way down the ally he disappeared into the darkness, where seno's teeth shaply jabbed into the first guy's skin the guy yelled loud and the second guy was alearted by it, and drew out his gun, he shot many times as he ran out of bullets, the first guy's body, that went in there, flung out of the

dark. Seno quickly came out of the darkness and grabbed the second guy and threatened the guy to tell him who the colored man was that knocked him out the he wouldn't speak, so Seno threw him aginst the wall hard, making the cement crack, Seno drew out his gun, the guy got tarrified at him and told him everything, he told about how the colored guy that had knocked seno out and that his name is Blaze, a war vetrin who lost his brother in the war, he also found-out that he is a major gang leader trying to restore the respect to his family name, what Seno wondered is what Blaze wanted with Seno and what was his play in the evil plan that he has going on, seno tied the guy to a poll and walked out of the ally back amongs the people thinking.

chapter five: The unknown voice

It was a dark night Seno was walking the streets among other people there was no moon to he found out that when the moon is shining apon him he can turn into the vampire whenever ,while seno was walking down the streets he turned down a dark ally halfway down this ally that seemed to take forever he heard a dark deep voice *voice: "feed into the darkness"* Seno suddenly stopped in confusion, he decided to walk and in only three steps forword he heard the misterious voice again *voice:" Blood is your power darkness will provide it."* he stopped and looked around. "Wh-Who is there?" the dark voice then spoke out again deeper then befor *voice:" Use the power, kill in the night."* seno stood there confused he dosn't reconize this voice, he never heard it befor. The clouds have gone away revealing a half moon Seno's eyes glowed as he could feel his body changing again "N-No not again... Ahhhh!!!" He let out a scream in terror as sharp fangs grew, his eyes turnd pure red his, skin got pail, his nails grew out. he knew what had happened he changed into the vampire that he was made into by an experament he wanted revenge for what they did to him. As he stood up he heard a voice. Person:"Hello? Anyone down there.... are you all right?" it was a man he could tell, the thirst for blood grew, he waited till the guy got closer to the dark, when he did, Seno quickly grabbed him, the guy fell to the ground screaming for his life guy:"Noooo! Noooo! Nooooooo!...) the guy was scratching his nails to the ground trying to pull himself away from Seno but it was too late he was pulled into the darkness, Seno dug his teath into the guy's neck sucking him dry, the guy let out a loud yell noone heard him, at the last drop of blood Seno dropped him, Seno stood there looking down at the now dead courps the wind started to pick up, thunder rummbled in the sky as it started to down poor Seno stood there looking at the courps and then looked up at the sky as the rain fell on his pale skin he put his hood up, so noone else can tell what he is, and he walked home he figured the sun was about to be up soon, and he can't change back for awhile, he got home just as the sun was rising, the wind was blowing the rain pounding on his face when he walked into the door he was tired, he went and floped onto the coutch and drifted off into sleep while in his sleep his body has changed back to normal, fangs no longer showing he had awakened a few hours after he got home now changed back in to a human. Seno needed time to think, he put on his black hoody and went for a long walk, he looked up in to the sky the sun shining the sky clear he hated the sun, but can still walk among it, he had many thoughts going through his mind he walked into the woods it was cool in there a slow and steady breez was blowing through his hair he had seen a rock and sat on it he started to think about home about his family if they miss him images of them flashed through his mind as he thought back to when he was happy and having good times with his sister, going out with his mom and dad and the whole family he wondered if they missed him if they wondered what happened to him he heared foot steps walking in to the woods and getting closer he seen a little girl skipping with a big smile on her face *voice:"KILL...KILL"* Seno heard the voice again earging him to kill more, he shook his head trying to escape the thoughts, the voice spoke again as the little girl passed him *voice:" KILL....KILLLLL....KILL!!!!"* seno's face started to drip with swet he knew it was wrong, he quickly ran the other way from the little girl so he wouldn't do anything to her he got to an abanden building as he ran in he fell to his hands and knees breathing heavily *seno:"W-whats wrong with me..."* *voice:"Kill....blood.... feed"* *Seno:"W-Who are you.... N-N-No I won't kill any more"* Seno screamed in pain and suffering as the voice that was in his head said the same thing over and over again until Seno was finaly passed out and it went away. the next morning seno woke up still in the building looking around he stood up in a daze his head was pounding he didn't have any memory of the night, he thought of home it was in the next town he went to his own home, and grabbed his bag and set of to see his family. He walked down the streets Blaze and his henchmen have spotted him and got into a car and followed him all the way to the town spying on seno all the way there Seno in the mean time was unsuspecting that they were following him and walked into the town he was unfamiliar with it for it has changed so much he was walking around looking at all the stories that never use to be there he stopped at one window as he was looking into it another figure appeared behind him as the figure spoke it sounded of a girl around the age of eighteen *girl:"B-Brother is that you?"* Seno heard her spoke as his eyes widdened and he turned around and seen that it was his sister grown up from when they were kids *girl:"It is you brother dont you remember me?"* She stood with a questioned look on her face *Seno:"S-Sandy?"* She quickly jumped up with joy that her brother remembered and hugged him Seno was suprised by the sudden burst of happiness that he felt, his sister took his hand and ran him to the house that his and her mom and dad now lived in. She opened the door real fast as she ran in with him and told them who he was they got up and hugged him thought the day they talked and had a good time he knew it couldn't stay the same when the sun went down he was standing outside the house looking into his sisters eyes *Sandy:"Big brother.... Why don't you stay?"* Seno wished he could but he knew he couldn't *Seno:" I can't sis. Things have changed."* he spotted some guys in a van, and it looked suspicious as he was walking away in through the night the van followed him once again as his sister started to tear of him, fadding away into the moonless night.

Chapter six: blazing angles

A cry in the night, a terror now had spread through the town. Seno was running through an abandon factory it was a perfect setting for him. As he was running in the process he had to knock over objects gun shots went off behind him, he took a quick and sudden stop to see who it was a familiar face. He thought to himself blaze? He seen that it was and another shot went off to his side a henchmen had appeared at his side seno was quick enough to catch him and jumped in to the air and disappeared. Blaze hand came up to the guy that was closest Blaze: can’t you do any thing right. He would then throw his weapon down to the ground in anger. Blaze gathers the other men Blaze: split up both of you don’t radio in until you spot him got it. Both of the men saluted him and walked off down one hall way blaze went down a different one carefully having his gun ready, be for he knew it he heard a loud scream of terror from one of his men he stopped took out his radio, he would call out one of the guys names no answer he tried one of the other guys name and he answered in panic the guy told the guy where seno was but be for their conversation had finished all blaze could here is a bone shattering sound on the radio he kept on calling out to the guy. Nothing came on, sweet started coming down his face the only light that was laminating the area went out. Now he was breathing heavily. Looking around, he finally realized that there was alight attached to the gun that he had on turning it on he heard a noise and quickly turned around with seno’s high pitch screech coming at him right him his face the gun would fall to the ground slightly after with blaze and a loud thump of him falling to the ground all that their was to see with the light from the gun on the ground was blaze’s hand crashing to the ground. A black out occurred blaze would a knock on the door. Captain: Blaze….. Blaze OPEN UP NOW!!! Blaze would wake up in a daze thinking that what had happened was real he would be breathing heavily and the palms of his hand sweating, blaze slipped blue jeans on and went to open it. Blaze: what time is it, Captin: its four in the morning, Blaze: why did you wake me? Captain: Come blaze master wants to see you.


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Points: 1398
Reviews: 14

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Fri Feb 13, 2009 12:28 am
lizik2424 wrote a review...



Interesting beginning. As mentioned by Haruno Sakura, if you want people to read and review on your work, there are two things you have to work on.
1) Use better spelling and grammar. I understand that it's a rough draft, but think of the poor editors. It's hard to make any sense of your story. It was a little annoying, so start proofreading now.
2) Break it up. I wrote a 54-page book (typed 12-point font, single-spaced) with 10 chapters. I'm breaking each chapter up into two parts so people will read it. With all the spelling and grammar issues, I stopped reading after the first chapter. If it was shorter, I might've actually been able to finish reading it.
Other than that, good story, and try to get over your writers block. Also, PLEASE use my suggestions before you post anything here that you want people to read.




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365 Reviews


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Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:54 pm
Antigone Cadmus wrote a review...



No reviews? Aww.

I'll review for you!

Okay, there are just too many errors to do a line by line.

I'll just give you some hints:

-When someone new talks, start a new paragraph.
-If you are going to do dialogue like this:

Bob: Hey, Rob.

You should post in scripts.

-Use spell check. It's even right here on YWS! You misspell basic words many times.

-Capitalize proper nouns such as names

-Post less. Three pages at most. With this many errors, I don't want to review six+ pages.

Tell me when you make these corrections, and I'll gladly review! ^_^




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Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:39 pm
hockeypunk says...



i hope uoi enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy writing it im stuck on the sixth chapter, if you have any ideas on a chapter name and a theme for it pleese pm me ill gladly put that idea in to the update on next chapter.





I could literally be Obama and you guys would never know.
— AilahEvelynMae