little.angelfire

I rarely ever do this...but I honestly can't find anything but compliments. O.O I love your story! Seriously, and honestly, I just love your story so far! Your conversations flow ...

yay, I get to tear your story to shreds ^.^ (jk jk. I'll try and be gentle since it's your fisrt time....hehe...inuendos...) Anyways, I must say that the first thing ...

I think you should add a bit more to act one. I don't know much about plays, but I think to make it a bit more realistic, Victor should try ...

Thankfully there aren't many mistakes, like there shouldn't be. You must've looked it over, good girl ^.^. I'll point out the mistakes though. Just to help you out: "Suddenly the ...

I have to agree with everyone above. I'm not a poet, now am I very interested in poetry, but I think it does flow nicely, and that some puncuation might ...

Well, firstly I think you should look over you story a bit more before you post. Grammar and spelling mistakes are to be expected, but you have so many in ...

It was very good and the message is something a lot of people can relate to in my opinion. The song does seem to repeat itself throughout the verses. The ...

The first thing I would have to point out (and I really this is just me) but I'd be freaking out for a little bit longer if I was suddenly ...

I actually really really enjoy this and I'm ashamed to say that I can't say much that could improve it, I'm kinda drawing blanks. Of course there's the grammar and ...

I found other grammar issues and little things like that, but I always leave them up to other people to look for. I do enjoy the innocent feel of the ...

I actually dissagree. I think the dialogue is good for just this. It's leaving the reader hanging and wondering what's really going on. It's only not working as well here ...

Skipping over the grammar and spelling... I really don't think there's much to say on this bit (it's just really short and I don't know what to say). I think ...

Alright, I pretty much only skimmed through this (since I'm still supposed to be doing homework), and I'll leave the spelling and grammar mistakes for someone else again. I really ...

I'll leave the specific grammar correcting up to someone else. I don't enjoy doing that. I'll just point out that you have some spelling and grammar mistakes that, if you ...

well there are lots of places where commas are placed and shouldn't be. you've got quite a few typos, and I'm a little curious why you all of a sudden ...