Young Writers Society

I think that you had a great start, but then you kind of rushed it? At least that is how it felt to me. I love werewolves and everything about them, so I did a search to find stories about werewolves and I found this.

Now, the clawed hand instantly made sense to me, if only because from my experience and knowledge of werewolves they do tend to partially shift when agitated, annoyed, frightened, etc. So, the mother's nail being more claw than nail does make sense to me. It started off really strong with the opening, but I wish you had added more to the flashback.

Doing even a full blown memory recount of how that all went down would have been wonderful and to have it end with the sound of his mother placing the mug in the sink and rinsing it out be the thing that snaps him out of the memory.

Overall, as stated I do enjoy it and would have liked to see more of where you took this story.

“At two in the morning?” She took another sip of her coffee.

Asilan remembered Tirisk too well. Five years ago [s]before they moved to Yerl[/s], they lived in a town known as Tirisk, it was heavily populated by humans and Lisom, the pack leader at the time, thought it was the best place to find cover from scrutiny.

[s]But that was until[/s] Then his sister, Resla, met a human boy. He acted nice too her until her secret slipped and the rest of the packs’. The human boy freaked out and killed Resla with silver knife. The boy soon alerted the human guard and then Lisom, Asilan’s father, and many other wolves were killed soon afterward.

They fled the area quickly and after many days of traveling they settled in a town known as Yerl. We were instructed not to make friends with humans soon afterwards, but soon wolves were not bothering making close friendships with some humans.

Asilan only became friends with the humans because they were he first people to not see him as strange. They accepted him and he could be partly himself with them.

I would add the Prologue but it seems whenever I tried to make it I couldn't get it correct. So I started with my original beginning. I'll try to make a prologue but, I can;t make any garentees.

hehe, I told you someone else would name the grammar and spelling issues ^.^

--meow

I thought it was rather a good beginning, actually.

Now for grammer and stuff! (*groansigh*)

He flipped a switch and saw his mother sitting at the table in a night gown tapping a clawed hand on the table.

“Human friends?” his mother asked raising an eye brow.

Asilan only became friends with the humans because they were he first people to not see him as strange.

Asilan remembered Tirisk ... too well.

Five years ago before they moved to Yerl, they lived in a town known as Tirisk, it was heavily populated by humans and Lisom, the pack leader at the time, thought it was the best place to find cover from scrutiny.

But that was until his sister, Resla, met a human boy.

He acted nice too her until her secret slipped and the rest of the packs’.

Asilan remembered Tirisk too well. Five years ago before they moved to Yerl, they lived in a town known as Tirisk, it was heavily populated by humans and Lisom, the pack leader at the time, thought it was the best place to find cover from scrutiny. But that was until his sister, Resla, met a human boy. He acted nice too her until her secret slipped and the rest of the packs’.
The human boy freaked out and killed Resla with silver knife. The boy soon alerted the human guard and then Lisom, Asilan’s father, and many other wolves were killed soon afterward. They fled the area quickly and after many days of traveling they settled in a town known as Yerl. We were instructed not to make friends with humans soon afterwards, but soon wolves were not bothering making close friendships with some humans. Asilan only became friends with the humans because they were he first people to not see him as strange. They accepted him and he could be partly himself with them.

She took a sip of her coffee and finally said, “So where have you been?”

“Out,” Asilan replied.

“At two in the morning?” She took another sip of her coffee.

“I wasn’t endangering the pack. I was just with some friends.”

“Human friends?” his mother asked raising an eye brow. Asilan nodded slowly. “Asilan, if you need friends or someone to hang out with I’m sure some of the pack would be happy to oblige.” She stood up and put her cup in the sink. “We can’t risk befriending the humans: remember Tirisk?”

Your story line seems intriguing, and I do have to admit, it does remind me of "Blood and Chocolate. There are some grammar and spelling issues, but other than that, I'm interested in seeing where this story goes!

I'll leave the specific grammar correcting up to someone else. I don't enjoy doing that. I'll just point out that you have some spelling and grammar mistakes that, if you reread this, you can fix easily.

Otherwise, there's very little here and I can't really say much about it, but I'll tell you that I'm a little confused with the clawed hand of the mother. Is it like an actual claw, or does it look like a normal nail? I think you should definetly make the appearance more known as the story progesses (which you probly will any, I just wanted to state that I was a little confused by it.).

Another thing is that it does start off really dull. If this were a published book I picked up in a bookstore I would keep reading in hope it got better (though I know it's only a couple paragraphs) but I suggest maybe putting a prologe in, but don't follow this advice if you've already got more of a suspense thing going on for the background of the characters with what happened in the other village. (I hope that just made sense and wasn't a bunch of babble XD)

alright, that's all I can really point out right now. If you send me links in the other chat telling me to read more parts of this chapter than I'll be happy to help you out some more. I'm very interested your writing style ^.^

--meow