janey

Hey, There were parts that I liked, but I found the whole thing pretty repetitive. For example, when you wrote: Driving on the fast lane, through the hill side, to ...

I kind of like what you've got... the first verse and the chorus flow. Like October Girl said though... I'd reword the second verse to give it a little more ...

I like the idea that you've started with - I like that you've got a story behind it. You've got a basic song down. Now, I'd work with rewording the ...

I like the emotion that you're getting across. I like the use of repetition although it seems more like a song this way (that "Just because he's not here..." paragraph ...

Bridge: The last whisper from a child’s lips As fancies drift from fingertips He loves me, he loves me not This is definitely my favourite part. I really liked the ...

Other than the spelling/grammer issues that someone else already pointed out, I like it in general. No one can remember Who I am Or that I exsist at all This ...

I like the choruses, but I'm not entirely sure where you're going. Are you saying that you want to repay someone but you can't or that you don't want to ...

It was really good... I couldn't stop reading, and I tend to lose interest in stories if they don't pull be in quickly (ie. the first 2 paragraphs). I thought ...

I loved the first 2 verses and the first line of the last verse. I agree though, I'm not certain if the focus of the poem was the pebbles... or ...

There were some lines in this that I liked, but for me, a lot of it just didn't make me feel the poem. My favourite part is probably the following: ...

I liked most of the poem. I felt like the second last verse didn't really "fit" though: My heart only keeps singing For me to write – nothing more. To ...