Ghosts are in my pebbles,
in my shoes,
they tap when I do.
I leave one on your pillow,
it's pink and clear,
so much like those baby pictures,
you thumb tacked to the wall.
I wish you would stay but I know you,
you have to go outside,
and gather your own pebbles.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
I loved the first 2 verses and the first line of the last verse. I agree though, I'm not certain if the focus of the poem was the pebbles... or on someone who is stubborn and needs to find their own pebbles or find their own way. I felt like the last two lines took the poem in a different direction and that the focus was more on the other party - that they wouldn't just take the pebble and admire it but now needs to go get their own as well.
I think you should either leave the focus on the pebbles or make the poem longer and explain the last two lines further.
Nice poem, but the meaning wasn't really clear to me. I also agree that if it was longer, it would have been better. Oh well...
"I leave one on your pillow,
it's pink and clear,
so much like those baby pictures,
you thumb tacked to the wall."
This is my favourite part. ^^
Overall, the poem was quite good. Keep writing!
Ooops, I forgot...welcome to YWS!
Hi and welcome to YWS! I see that your new, and I cant wait until i see more of your work! this poem is pretty good, but i want to see some more emotion in these words, and it would be great if it was longer....Hope i helped!
Loved the poem!
*Emily*