My most recent song, pretty self-explanatory. I know its kinda short.
Hope you like! (please comment!)
verse:
I’ve tried to play your games
And I’ve lied to myself everyday
To keep all I have within my grasp
But still you love me not
chorus:
I’m feeling self-destructive
Come in closer, darling
But beware
My last petals of innocence
Are slowly falling
Just say that you love me
But don’t ever leave
*whispered* He loves me not
verse:
Down the road of suffering
All your promises were the means
To bring me to my end:
He loves me not
Bridge:
The last whisper from a child’s lips
As fancies drift from fingertips
He loves me, he loves me not
return to chorus
...
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[quote="listeningforthemuse"]My most recent song, pretty self-explanatory. I know its kinda short.
Hope you like! (please comment!)
verse:
I’ve tried to play your games
And I’ve lied to myself everyday
To keep all I have within my grasp
But still you love me not>>> this is OK for the beginning, I like how it starts out. Try to make it more dramatic, don't be afraid to get carried away. This is OK make it become Fabulous!
chorus:
I’m feeling self-destructive
Come in closer, darling
But beware
My last petals of innocence>> my favorite line.
Are slowly falling
Just say that you love me
But don’t ever leave>>> I love this! This is fabulous I love this completely perfect
*whispered* He loves me not
verse:
Down the road of suffering
All your promises were the means
To bring me to my end:
He loves me not>> I didn't like this, try something like this (below)
(my version)
All you can bring me is suffering.
How dare you do this to me.
The petals told me such lies,
but I can not see the pain in your eyes.
He loves me not.
Bridge:
The last whisper from a child’s lips
As fancies drift from fingertips
He loves me, he loves me not>>perect ending bravo, or brava! lol
return to chorus
...[/quote]
Ok, so I totally ruined your lyrics sorry, but I got carried away, this is really cute I hope you continue and add more and more each following day.
-Max
This is definitely my favourite part. I really liked the song, actually, and I think it would be interesting to hear how you've put it to music and what kind of melody you're thinking of. I can't seem to figure it out... possibly because each line of the chorus has a different number of syllables... or something.
I would focus on the "He loves me, he loves me not" part - I know it's a cliche and such, but I like it.
These lines are what makes me love this piece.
Every once in a while, I'll see song lyrics that give me chills because they just work so well together, and so much feeling is plain in the words. The rhyming is so natural, and it's just so poetic.I would love to hear this put to music.
The chorus starts to sound seductive, almost sadistic. It sets it apart from other lost love songs that I hear. Definitely an excellent piece. Good job.
I admire you for your song writing skills!!
This is a very deep song, which is easy to tell from the way you write --
I would love to hear the song with music, too!
4 Stars from me.
Good luck with future songs,
Vix847
hello, listeningforthemuse..
you don't have to lie to yourself. so what if he does not love you?..there's a lot of other people out there who can help you forget him.
oh...such irony!..well, as you've said, it was self-explanatory, so i don't have to explain my part.
i really love it..really when people feel so down, that's when they become inspired.
god bless.