Broken
Small fragments are left over
From a whirlwind of pain
-
Forgotten
No one can remember
Who I am
Or that I exist at all
-
Broken
Just that one
The one I though
Would be mine forever
-
Forgotten
Left alone
To die alone
-
Broken
Hearted
No more tears left
For I've cried them all out
In your absence
-
Forgotten
Sits alone
To be friendless and
Empty
-
Broken
Small fragments left over
From a whirl wind of pain
-
Forgotten
No one can remember
Who I am
Or that I exist at all
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,774 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I love it, because, well, I can relate to it.
Your poem was stunning. I could almost feel the pain with you. It shows what really goes on inside a girls head. Keep writing and fix the spelling errors that the person above me suggested. But overall. Loved the repetion of broken by the way!
*Ash*
Other than the spelling/grammer issues that someone else already pointed out, I like it in general.
This seems a little simplistic, somehow, and doesn't conjure the same emotions and imagery that the rest of the poem did.
I'd take out the "Just that one" and leave it as the last two lines... feels a little repetitive and if you wanted emphasize something, I'd suggest emphasizing the "Forever" part instead.
Good job! Very nice poem. I love the way you established the stanzas. But some spelling errors:
"From a whirl wind of pain"
Whirlwind is one word.
"Or that I exsist at all"
Exist has one s.
"The one I though"
Did you mean 'thought'?
"In your absense"
Unless there's an alternative spelling, absence is spelled with a c and an s.
Other than that, I was awed by your poem. Really good work!
gracey;
Thanks so much :]
On my next poem I'll try and have more feeling my the voice
grimy:
Yes! i got an A+ :]
Haha Its okay for repeating that,
thanks for reading
nice!
high five!
no?
ok then (:
liked this one, very nice. A+ 4 u!
perhaps more feeling in the voice (last minute edit: sry, just saw the review above me, sry for repeating that)
-grimy
I liked this poem, it was full of real emotion and pain, and i think that was what you were trying to do when you wrote it so well done!
I think it needs some work though, i liked how you made certain words in bold to make the stand out to the reader
I think it needs more though, more feeling in the voice i guess. it ddint shout out for my attenion so i think you need to improve that
i loved it anyway - keep up the good work!
gracey