hi-mi-tsu

laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds I adore this line. It makes me think of the innocent laughter of small children and how it can always make you ...

I really love the imagery in this. However, the fourth stanza feels a little out of place...I can't really tell you why, it just feels like the rhythm's off when ...

you sit on the veranda the scent of lilacs fills the air a cigarette dangles from your lips your hands play with no thought no control, just movement like water ...

I agree. While the idea behind this was excellent, there needs to be a progression showing that the little girl being spoken about is the inner child (at least I ...

I like this. There's just a few things I have a problem with. Sub human, my beautiful black widow. To me, this break kinda destroys the flow you had going ...

I stand and stare at them as if they were, Something of importance to me. This line break feels wrong to me. I don't know. Perhaps it could be fixed ...

This poem seems rather confusing to me and I don't really like the last "He". It seems to be randomly placed without any real purpose at the bottom. The poem ...

This poem had a lot of interesting imagery in it, but when you put the words together it seemed to be a forced jusxtaposition, like you were trying to meet ...

Interesting free verse. For all that there was no real conformity to the lines, it still flowed fairly well. It feels a little unfinished, though...was there going to be more ...

I agree that the theme of the poem was overdone and rather...hokey, almost, in some places. It was a little rough, but the rhyme scheme was good and it seemed ...