The Curse of Mortality
Some day we’ll all take out last breath,
And allow life to succumb to death.
Someday we’ll all say goodbye,
For everyone at some point must die.
All life is doomed to fade,
All goodbyes must be bade.
Nothing lasts forever,
Some things will last for never.
Some flowers never bloom,
Some things never feel life before their doom.
Tears are always meant to be shed,
Whether for the living or for the dead.
Death doesn’t hurt the ones who die,
It hurts the ones who must say goodbye.
Though to those who feel sorrow,
Fear not for there is always tomorrow.
Another chance for one to die,
Another chance for a painful goodbye.
I'd have to agree with Brad...heh...
The rhyming scheme was decent...did seem disconjointed or anything. But seriously,like I and so many others have said one million times, you shouldn't make serious poems rhyme...I mean, it takes away from it. And try to use imagery...this poem just stayed on one flat surface. It didn't go up or down...kind of monotnous.
Very nice poem, really, more then just nice.
It has something magical to it.
I really like it.
(And I'm jealous because I can't write that kind of great poems).
a lot of people already said everything else.
except that the repetition was enjoyable. not THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER READ, but enjoyable.
I agree that the theme of the poem was overdone and rather...hokey, almost, in some places. It was a little rough, but the rhyme scheme was good and it seemed to flow all right most of the time. You could work on unifying the rythm a little more. Overall, though, it was a fairly good poem, full of emotion, which is part of what makes poetry good in the first place.
I dunno... the rhyming seems forced and the rhythm seems off. It's a good effort, mind you, but there are some lines that just seem horribly forced. Especially here:
Some flowers never bloom,
Some things never feel life before their doom.
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*smiles* If you were going to irony, it most certainly worked!
Another good job to you...
I personally thought this was very good. I do agree you could add some more original thoughts, but that didn't take away from the poem. The rhyming was beautiful, flowing very smoothly and I liked your word choice.
The only part that was a little strange was the:
It hurts the ones who must say goodbye.
Though to those who feel sorrow,
Fear not for there is always tomorrow.
Another chance for one to die,
Another chance for a painful goodbye.
Um...Deloclya? You do know that Incandesence was being, erm, sarcastic, right? Because frankly, this is one of the most over-done, cliche, hackneyed themes I've ever seen! We're all going to die, and everyone's going to be sad...whoop-dee-f'ing-doo! Please! You didn't even put a new spin on the idea! You used old rhymes, personally didn't see a LICK of emotion, Several of the rhymes to me seemed to be forced
, and overall seemed to be a copy-paste from several of those 'it's ok to be sad when people die' speeches parents give little five year olds who are flushing goldy the goldfish to the great sewers of fishy god! Sorry, but p-eww. Do not pass go, and do NOT collect $200. Try again.Some flowers never bloom, Some things never feel life before their doom.
kinda redundant and a rather depressing ending that i didn't really like and didn't really seem to fit with the poem.
I LOVE THIS POEM!!!
I know it's sort of depressing because the obvious subject of death but I still think this is an awesome poem.
Very, very, very nice job.
[quote="Deloclya"]The Curse of Mortality
Death doesn’t hurt the ones who die,
It hurts the ones who must say goodbye.
quote]
That part is really cool! I really like your poem and how it rhymes ( and the rhymes actually make sense).
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