gyrfalcon

Here we go! Note: as my review is really, frighteningly long, I’m going to split it into two posts so that you don’t strain your eyes overmuch. ;) The boy ...

Lovely, darling, truly--I really enjoyed it. A great rhythm, good subject matter, wonderful word choice. I must say, though, that the "mi' mates" thing threw me off--you'd just used quotation ...

Okay, here we go: I usheathed my dagger Typo—“unsheathed” I had to do something. I must. This may just be personal taste, but I think the second sentence might have ...

Well, you asked for a line-by-line, and in the interests of thoroughness that's rather what I'm doing. What that means is it's going to take a few posts to get ...

just that I always find myself thinking about you when things over here get rough. The rhythm of it feels wrong—try “when things get rough over here,” comes out more ...

I sat in the back of the cart, my lead tied to a large crate that held most of Quennel and Morley’s clothes and possessions. This does not seem especially ...

This is delightful darling! A simple rhyming pattern and cadence (though Sock is right, you might want to refine that first rhyme, it is a bit difficult to swallow). I ...

Oh, wonderful darling! I've always enjoyed your poetry and this is a particularly fine example of your particularly fine work. Your use of 'technical' terms, such as "epitheliums" and "lockjaw" ...

There’s a click as a black nub appears at the tip of the pen, gleaming with ink. Beautiful bit of imagery here. a crooked half smile This may just be ...

with the extreme tips of my fingers Nix “extreme”—tis redundant. The blanket caught around my ankles, tripped me up and landed me on the rush-covered floor. I don’t like “landed ...

the silvery moon-shards. Nix "the" We laid upon the hill that night, ... as the raindrops fell upon our faces. I've always had a bit of a personal beef with ...

Is there a particular reason why you have not bugged me so I remembered that there was a chapter I hadn't gotten to! And now another one! Well, this is ...

Truly lovely, darling, and I am sorry that this comes after the due date, but I really want to let you know I loved it! You've done a really excellent ...

Hmmm...very interesting, darling, a nice juxtaposition with the image of a person and a rabbit. But, as poetry experts much wiser than I have said: Do the Punct! By which ...

Ooo! No time for a nitpick now, but one suggestion right away: could you please label these three sections more specifically? It took me ages to get to Day Two. ...