Published May 20, 2008
Dear Mr. Publisher,
I hope my plea isn’t in vain.
Please find enclosed a manuscript,
written in blue crayon.
You see,
I don’t follow ‘writing rules’
I break them everyday.
I’ll do the middle before the start,
and chuck in a cliché.
Esteemed professionals might gasp--
‘Plan your story, or it will turn out wrong!’
But I’m not in the least bit ashamed to disclose,
I make it up as I go along.
You’ll never find a talent like me,
tomorrow or next week.
Because I have ten percent determination
and ninety percent sheer cheek.
So go ahead and burn this letter,
shaking your head in dismay.
Because I’m safe in the knowledge that
Somewhere- you’re going to rue the day,
and a publisher’s going to pay.
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
Schiz, I love this bit:
Esteemed professionals might gasp--
‘Plan your story, or it will turn out wrong!’
But I’m not in the least bit ashamed to disclose,
I make it up as I go along.
I CAN RELATE!!
I'm not going to yak on repeating all the grammar stuff other people have already nitpicked (although nitpicking is delightful fun), I just maybe think that with a bit of work, you could make it flow more; and also, if you manage to write every verse as good as boldated one above, I WOULD LOVE YOU.
I read your poem "Dear Mr. Writer" before this one, and I love their satirical appearance. I hope I had written them myself
Also, feel special when you hear that I picked this poem to be my hundredth review!
My favourite is the second stanza, it just flows so well! The third one is a bit of a tongue twister due to the long words in it, but never mind.
I'm with the other people in the last stanza thing. It was my least favourite in the poem, but you can't just like everything.
This felt a little too awkward, but the poem was so good overall that I'm just going to forgive you that.
The vain - crayon thing is fun. I like it when you always make up these surprisingly working rhymes, good job on that! I hope you'll never forget that!
Eimear, my dear friend, I am happy to announce that you have a gift. Use it well.
Your friend,
Demeter xx
Overall... wow. This was awesome. Your rhymes were a little cheesy sometimes, but that just made it better. I loved it. I also liked how you had both four and five line stanzas... it kind of says you're breaking the rules of poetry, although it's really not that... uh [insert much better word here] rule-breaking.
I rate this a 9.5/10 (and no one has ever gotten a 10, by the way... it would have to be perfect.)
One of the best poems I've read on YWS... and most of the poems that I've really liked are on YWS.
Keep writing!
Teh Wozzinator
OMC! You just told that publisher!!! Haha...Wow, I liked this poem, a lot! I like it just the way it is.
I agree with panicitsamelon about the ryhming thing. It doesn't matter because it is such a good poem.
No spelling or grammar errors from what I could tell. Not that there would be any...
I loved this poem! Please keep up the good work!
Becca ^_^
Hello,
I liked your poem a lot. I can relate to it, well, not exactly, but at least I know what you mean. Besides the part that everyone says, "Vain and crayon don't rhyme!" I say, "That's fine."
Although some think it mightn't flow, I think it would be a shame to take out the part about the blue crayon, it adds very affectively to the fact that you don't follow the rules.
I like the second verse because it's the part I can relate to the most. (Heh heh)
The third verse is good, but wrong doesn't roll well with gasp. I don't mean it should rhyme, I mean it should just... I hope you know what I mean because I can't describe it. Sorry. But I really like the first line of the third verse.
The fourth verse is also one of my favorites because it's very true. Not the fact that you're 90% sheer cheek, that I wouldn't know, but that it doesn't take one type of person to write a story/poem/song/book etc.
The last line wraps it up really well. It flows with the rest and it really makes it seem that some publisher will pay.
I love your poem, thanks for writing,
Mikaela (Cally)
Love it. It sounds like it's from a little kid that's sending it to a big newspaper or something...
Dear Mr. Publisher,
I hope my plea isn’t in vain.
Please find enclosed a manuscript,
written in blue crayon. (Is the blue crayon random or something else? Honestly, I feel like it's a good idea but just doesn't flow very well).
You see,
I don’t follow ‘writing rules’
I break them everyday.
I’ll do the middle before the start,
and chuck in a cliché. (I think this is great. Amazingly written)
Esteemed professionals might gasp--
‘Plan your story, or it will turn out wrong!’ (again, this line to me sounded off at the word "wrong")
But I’m not in the least bit ashamed to disclose,
I make it up as I go along.
You’ll never find a talent like me,
tomorrow or next week.
Because I have ten percent determination
and ninety percent sheer cheek. (This is just a joke but: Proud of youself much? No, I understand where you're coming from. You have to be tough with these guys. Grrr *grits teeth*)
So go ahead and burn this letter,
shaking your head in dismay.
Because I’m safe in the knowledge that
Somewhere- you’re going to rue the day,
and a publisher’s going to pay.
Ending was very smooth and wondeful. It really did something for me.
I think they'd just have to publish this!
---
Over time, many writers have abandoned turning words into art. They seem to just spill out words which they think have facts behidn them but really in the reader's mind are like a boring history textbook which you pick up in order to study. YAWN! Except here you really used words to strike both emotion, purpose and artistic influences. I loved this piece and thought it really well written even if I felt it sounded off in a couple of lines but no matter - that's probably just my ears being fools. Overall it was amazing and I felt everything you felt. It was like you were speaking to me or I was standing over your shoulder like an annoying younger brother or sister as your wrote it.
One word to describe it would be: Universal
Well atleast for writers. EVery writer can connect
Great work!
If you want me to further explain any of my comments you know where to reach me.
8.5/10
Wow, really wasn't expecting this many replies! I appreciate the time each person took to read it. And I think I might join everyone in the stabbing of the last line. I definately need to work on that. I wrote this knowing that people may loath it with a passion- so, Icaruss, you don't need to apologise. The meter is shockingly bad and the rhymes are even worse! It's just a bit of fun and yes Icaruss, you still are a great poet.
Thanks again!
Haha! I loved it. It was so funny. I'd work a bit on your rythm, I really had trouble in some places being able to makes it flow, but overall it was great.
I'm never going to forget this poem. Especially this line:
That makes me think of a little kid. This bit was also great:
I think you should work on this bit:
It didn't really flow and doesn't makes much sense.
I think you should also work on this bit. Do you mean rule? And the publishers going to pay?
Again, brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
I'll feel bad about this later but: I didn't like it. It's like one of those songs rappers do about how tough and gangsta they are, only not as fun. I know this is going to sound moronic but I still find it hard to read poems that don't rhyme. But, you see, I'm not only talking about the pretty/meaty kind of rhyme, or the pool/rule kind, I'm talking about the verse you read and that sounds well. See, your first stanza... It just sounds ugly. And maybe that's what you're aiming for, I mean, you don't follow the rules, but I don't know.
Anyways, most of the people above me have talked about the rhyming and things, so I'll talk about you're writing about: I think this is kinda... arrogant? I don't want to call you arrogant because, first of all, I don't know you, second of all, I like you (you called me a great poet!) and thirdly: I know this is supposed to be funny. A joke, if you will. But you came out and started to talk about sending your things written in crayon, and what am I supposed to say? How does the publisher not get this, man? Square! And it's never good to tell the reader about how good you think you are.
So it was cute. But not that cute.
Hi Eimear, this is my first review (I think?), so bear with me. :]
I like this idea: cute, child-like, pretty original, easy to understand. Although your lack of meter and bizarre rhymes are distracting in places, I think they fit the theme of the poem, but need a bit of polishing to pull off just right. But, you "don't follow 'writing rules' " [2nd stanza], after all!
The blue crayon reference is very specific imagery. It also makes for a startling--yet interesting--rhyme with vain.
I'm not crazy about the last stanza, maybe something more shocking, witty? Sorry I have no good suggestions, not feeling too creative tonight. I don't want to harp on it because everyone else has pointed it out. Sometimes you just have to scrap a whole section and start over - it's difficult.
Like Suzanne said, in some places it is a bit wordy. Being concise, polished, and smooth will help. Nice job!
That is brilliant, I really loved (almost) every bit of it
, though I might join in with the repeated stabbing of the last line 
The idea for the poem is great and it is just a good read, entertaining and original, though sometimes it does not seem to flow quite right.
Generally, I admire anyone who gets a non-rhyming poem to be so utterly... for lack of another word: cool.
Really well done
It has been a while since I reviewed anything, so I hope I do this right!
I loved this poem. I never read or seen a letter that was in poetry form! I sort of like that way better. I'm glad that this was my first review since I been away. Reading this made me feel glad I stared back! Great job.
haha! Very humorous and definitely quite cheeky. It's actually a very good thing you break the rules, because sometimes rules inhibit great ideas.
Besides, rules were made to be broken.
Just like fancy china!
And bones.
But I digress. I loved what your poem was about, but I found the rhythm a bit lacking. What you said was great!--it would just be better if you found more flowing words to say it.
Oh, this is too cute.
My largest problem is with your meter and some of your line lengths. With poems like these, not only are they dependent on a rhyme scheme but they often sound sing-song-y, so to speak, and are best like that. The stanza that stuck out most of all was:
Next to each line I wrote their rhythm count, or meter. However you want to call it. In some places your rhythm works out, and in others it doesn't. I don't know, for me I've always found that cute poems are even cuter when they have a rhythm. Make the rhyming lines the same amount of syllables, and the non-rhyming (your A/C poems, in this case, since your poem is A,B,C,B) the same syllables. It would be best that they have the same numbers throughout the whole poem, but not necessary. In fact it isn't entirely necessary, just some lines are too much. In this stanza, the third line is twelve syllables, and ends up being a mouthful, when you could say it with less words, and in a more precise manner.
You should also try to keep your stanza lengths the same - since the rest of the poem follows a four line structure, four lines. The only place I see, in this poem, that it could be bent is "You see", which works well. The last stanza works, but it doesn't sound great. Another problem may be that, you are trying so hard to rhyme, your sentences end up sounding corny and forced. The best rhymed poems are those that seem to be by chance, without a thought given to the rhyme. [Departmental by Robert Frost is an amazing example of what I am talking about.]
And if you look at the sentences without stanzas:
So go ahead and burn this letter, shaking your head in dismay. Because I’m safe in the knowledge that somewhere- you’re going to rue the day, and a publisher’s going to pay.
It sounds silly, doesn't it? to me, especially the part "shaking your head in dismay". It makes sense, but it doesn't sound natural at all. Another thing I noticed was that you didn't capitalize the letter S on shaking in that stanza, but you did capitalize the S on somewhere (I made it lowercase here) and I am not sure if that was on purpose, but you need to either capitalize grammatically, or all of the first line letters. (I see somewhere else you didn't stay together on capitalization.)
I think that in some places I failed to fully explain myself, but I cannot think of what more to say... If you have any questions, feel free to find me! I would love to help. For the most part, I like this poem, but I know you could write it a lot better.
I love this poem simply because of the attitude behind it. I'm sure every writer who has seen a bunch of rejection letters can really relate to this. The only real comment I have about this is that I think it would be better without any rhyme but keeping the solid rhythm that it has.
Otherwise, good work!
I know I'm only a novice but I really enjoyed reading this poem. It flowed really well in a lively manner and this was due to the great rhythm and use of language.
The idea was simple and you have developed it into a very humorous poem.
Although, I'm afraid I must agree with Gyrfalcon and LovableLittleSock because the ending was a little disappointing:
Because I’m safe in the knowledge that
Somewhere- you’re going to rue the day,
and a publisher’s going to pay.
It felt like the beginning of the last stanza was building up to a comical ending from this defiant character.
I have given this poem a gold star because I loved the topic and use of language. It was very effective and it was great to finally read a more light-hearted poem! Well done.
Loved the poem,
Viva La Revolucion!
but,
Vain, and Crayon, while they do not match are pretty darn close, close enough, to me.
on the other hand, i did not like the last verse, i dont know why.
sp that wasnt a good response, but hell, none of mine are.
GO REBELS!
This is delightful darling! A simple rhyming pattern and cadence (though Sock is right, you might want to refine that first rhyme, it is a bit difficult to swallow). I know all writers go through these kinds of feelings at some point or another--for me it's right now, what with trying to get my book published and all. You've made something that really applies to the members of this site, and made it well.
One problem:
As Sock said, kill the last line, but I don't think the ones before it work much better. "Somewhere- you're going to rue the day"? Shouldn't that be "sometime" or such? You build up a really great poem here, please try to give it an equally great ending.
Good work, and keep writing!
Ha. That publisher was told.
Let's get started!
I know your poem talks about "not following the writing rules" and such, but when you use an off-rhyme, use it in a stanze where you're stating that. "Vain" and "crayon" do not rhyme, so it ruins the beat of the story. Unless they weren't a part of the poem, and it wasn't supposed to rhyme.
I like the blue crayon bit, though.
It'll? It will is a little wordy, no?
No! This line ruined the end of the poem! Get rid of it! It must die! *Stabs line repeatedly with pencil* You - do - not - belong - here! ARGH!
I loved this. It shows how rules are for losers. You can't put rules on writing! I mean, you can on grammer, but I mean... no. Look at Emily Dickinson!
So yes. This poem is awesome. Keep writing!