greenjay

Now, you know that one of our neighboring tribes was acting as an assassin for King Raztik, taking out men in what seemed to be natural accidents?" Seden nodded, frowning. ...

Vathen unzipped the black cloak and pulled it off. I'd say you should say, "unbuttoned" his cloak, cause having zippers in a fantasy story is kind of dumb and an ...

Suspense! Nothing better! You know, I liked it. Yes it is too short and I also suggest changing that last "Little did he know." but I do look forward to ...

A cry of a small animal sounded far off and the sounds of metal crashing, and running, brushing through the branches and leaves. He leapt off the branch towards the ...

According to Sorcerers and Sorcery “In order to achieve proper time traveling you basically [s]had[/s] have to create a rip in the current time line where you sit and enter ...

Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!..... :cry: Oh, sorry. *Ahem.* okay, cool, sweet, awesome. I'm interested. What's next? I really like your vivid style. The forest was green and lush, bright, vivid colours masked the ...

He cooked his food before nightfall and ate it in the dark so the fire and smoke wouldn’t alert the dead-things. He felt the eyes of the Shade stare at ...

Knall jerked up violently and looked around quickly. [s]Soon[/s] he stood up and leaned over to concentrate on the sound. Glancing over at the sleeping griffon [s]and[/s] he then returned ...

With one last look at the gigantic dead, Khor turned on his heel s and ran for an open stone road. I think that's how you'd say it. As Khor ...

As he approached the town the nets from the tower winked down at him. I know what you're getting at, but you should try to word that better. Lots of ...

Bowing his head respectfully, Dominic came forward, ncareful not to meet the king's eyes. careful, not ncareful. Just a typo that i thought I'd mention. Anyway good job and please ...

The griffon, half-bird, half-lion mythical creature shakily stood and tested its thin, brown legs and its feline, powerful legs, in its back. The griffon (half-bird, half-lion) shakily stood and teste

Cool! I don't have too much to say...you should probably legthen (give more detail and explaination) the part with the shadow Guardian and the girl. Both parts seemed rushed. The ...

Things are coming a long! Brad was left and he and Whiperba have met (I knew it would happen). And you might as well kill me, because I have no ...

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! They left Brad and are going to do the king's bidding. Money over Emotions. IT'S PERFECT!!! :D :D :D Okay, Brad should do something heroic and cool now (like ...