gamechanger10

your rythm wasn't too off. so don't worry. this was a beautiful poem, none the less. with great feeling and emotion. great piece! -GC10

syte, bookmarker's in europe right now and can't answer... but he's my twin brother...and therefore, we have telepathic...links...or something. so i'll answer for him: "If you properly read/understood

this was a very emotional piece. nice work. your rhyming was great! and the figurative language was good as well. along with -save-farris-, I had no idea where the heck ...

this was a great poem! the only moment you broke the flow was in the line that Jasmine Hart pointed out. Aside from that, it was wonderful! the imagery and ...

it might be a bit short to be published, but i guess it depends on where you where thinking of submitting it... i didn't read the first one you posted, ...

wow. this was very captivating. the flow was there, your wording was perfect. the whole poem was flawless and beautiful...and...and...wow...

this was a beautiful poem with amazing imagery. despite the few awkward moments that Sapphire pointed out, this was wonderful. your wording took my breath away. Excellent job! -GC10

thanks for the comments to everyone so far. Ashleylee: in the first sentence that you pointed out, sorry, i just forgot the 'and' in there, and i was originally intending ...

well, gabe, i just copied this straight out of my book, so the chapter before is when jasmine looses her sight. and thats when she continues to fight with out ...

thanks gabe...NOT!...that didn't help very much.

just listen to everyone else. they all have the right ideas. this has potential to be a great poem with some minor adjustments. good job. -GC10

well, the two reviews before me pretty much covered everything. just listen to them and it'll make the piece even better! this is a great children's poem! keep up the ...

this was eerily dark, but still captivating! bravo! -GC10

this was wonderful! theres nothing else i have to say... great job! -GC10

i pretty much agree with everyone else on pretty much everything... especially the whole 'dying while writing this rhyme' thing. that sort of set me off. i'd change it entirely.. ...