LEAVE YOUR POEM HOW IT IS!!! Sorry, everyone that posted above me, but sometimes poetry is absolutely incredible in its rough form, like this. Just fix holly (thats like stuff at Christmas) you need holy. I think that you already have an incredible ability to capture your tone (if this is your perspective) but honestly this is really really really good, it captures the heart and soul of teenage kids and how they mostly feel about religion, that Christ is their friend, and that he's wanting to be their friend. such as the see ya later line.
No personal hard feelings towards bubblewrap, but if the linear structure is what you want, then leave it. I love how it just shows just this one side, this one view. That is what it is supposed to be, because that's exactly how you created it. Also, sometimes you want your rhythm to break, that's why I love free verse so much is because I can do that, and break my rhythm as much as I want to throw readers into a different mind set then what they were already thinking. But make sure you do read through your poem to make sure that you want that to happen, poems are all about effecting your feelings. Make sure that you can close off your own feelings when you edit and re read so that you can get the right effect. Great job though, I love the roughness, you have a unique voice and don't let anyone change you because you think you don't know what your doing. After all, who really knows what their doing?
Points: 890
Reviews: 20
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