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Re: Voices of the Ice: Chapter 1 *revised*
Hey, tigeraye! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's begin... 1) A part of your beginning is quite cliche. The whole "life changed forever" part is sooooo overused. :D I ...
Feb 1, 2017 -
Re: One Last Stand
Heiyo, FangirlDivided! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's jump right in... 1) I loved your story. The two characters are relatable, kind, and brave, so that's a plus. The ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: I Hear You're Dating Again, After 20 Years of Marriage
Hey, soundofmind! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's start... 1) Like StormCycle said, your first line is quite long. The flow isn't broken very much, but I would still ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: Love Hurts - An Act of Courage
Hello, ZeldaIsShiek! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's begin... 1) "I have: and I will never forget how important courage is in our lives hence it's happening." Your punctuation ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: Search For Peace Book 1 ~ The Great Separation Prologue
Hello, Tsunami! It's Lupa here from Complicated Sneezes for a review. :D Let's jump in... 1) Everything was very fast-paced. The fight scene was detailed, some other things were rushed ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: Earth's Child- Chapter 1
Hey, GreenTulip! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's jump right in... 1) Sometimes, your sentences weren't the clearest. I had to read some of them twice to understand them ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: The Pariah of Levon, 1
Hey, passenger! It's Lupa from Complicated Sneezes for a Review Day! :D Let's start... 1) "Contrary to Mr. Jay’s pronunciation, you don’t say the As like the ones in Aaron, ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: Missives From the Dreaming #17
Hey, gema11! This is Lupa22 for an awesome Review Day! :D Let's begin... 1) To reply to your note... you made the transition between "I" and "We" very smoothly, so ...
Jan 29, 2017 -
Re: Seize or Be Seized
Hey, ghost223! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's jump right in... 1) About 95% of the time I was purely confused. You give your reader no background knowledge, no ...
Jan 21, 2017 -
Re: Apprehension
Hi, DarkPrizm! Lupa here for a shiny review! :D Let's start... 1) If you want to have a short poem, make its content worth it. This is simple and effective, ...
Jan 21, 2017 -
Re: I've been dead for a while now
Hey, AmeliaGryffin! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's begin... 1) "Yes… I’m dead alright." This line here doesn't match the mood of your poem. From what I've read, you're ...
Jan 21, 2017 -
Re: The Jerikova Wars, Chapter Three **UPDATED**
Hey, BlackhawkUnder! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's begin... 1) "Something like a panic flooded through Rana" Do you mean "something like panic"? 2) The ending didn't feel quite ...
Jan 15, 2017 -
Re: The End
Hey, SharpHost! Lupa here for a review! Let's get started... 1) in the first paragraph, you seem to have a huge time-skip right in the middle, which is jarring and ...
Jan 11, 2017 -
Re: Alex
Hey, RavenLord! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's start... 1) Whoa. Your first paragraph has a LOT of "Void"s. Take out some of them and replace them with synonyms ...
Jan 8, 2017 -
Re: Ms. Dix
Hey, AShrinkingViolet! Lupa here for a review! :D Let's jump in... 1) "Her nose is large and curved like a beck." I assume you meant "beak?" :P 2) "I wither ...
Jan 8, 2017