coryab222

Good... but here comes the harder feedback. Initially, the picture you give the reader by describing the Phantom Mist as tall and mighty does not give us the sense of ...

Whoo! This is, by far, the best of the series yet. You did an awesome job with adding that twist at the end. The only thing I don't absolutely love ...

This is still going very well! I agree with BBB about the opening of those two paragraphs, but I also noticed it in this paragraph, too: "Upon entering the room, ...

Hey. I'm not going to point out the grammar mistakes, because everyone else has already done that, so just double check all that. Well, I didn't feel like this one ...

All right. Review time. This was really good. I am honestly going to read the second and third one right after this. You got me hooked. You did awesome with ...

Alright, this was decent. First a grammar mistake, though... "However, this was no t just any figure." I thought this sentence kind of killed the feel of the rest of ...

This is good so far. You are doing a great job of describing the setting and such. I would suggest reading it aloud to yourself to catch any awkward or ...

What is this?!? This should to be rewritten completely. Your grammar needs tremendous work - you especially need to capitalize and add commas - and take out the smileys. This ...

This had wonderful emotion. There were only sagging willows that fell from the clouds that enveloped me; I think this should be "... clouds enveloping me;" only the damp smell ...

This was great! Very optimistic and hopeful. My favorite part of it was that you used and played off of well known phrases such as "the bark is worse than ...

For some positive feedback, I really liked this. I liked the wonder it possessed and the way it allowed me to picture the scenery and culture of Jerusalem. I really ...

So this wasn't much of a piece for character development, but it you did well with expressing feelings. Sady's anxiety and feelings towards Alan were nicely expressed, but I really ...

Very good. I thought it was written very nicely and descriptively. I was able to picture Alice sitting there in her button-up red cotton dress impatiently waiting for Jasper. So ...

Alright, so not bad. I thought you did a nice job of showing the relationship between Snape and Lily - both the relationship they had as friends when they were ...

This has a descent rhythm, and I like the rhymes. I noticed that in the first few stanzas you switch your rhymes around - by that I mean you had ...