cnvalambrosia

There is such a thing called constructive critisism and it's usually thought as a good thing. You can span things out longer... How does she feel about pregnancy? Why is ...

This is very good. You could look up a keyword in a thesaurus and pick the oddest or most genuine version of that word that you can find,.... That's what ...

Sorry, I'm not usually that harsh. I most commonly focus on the story line. This is pretty interesting. Confusing. Although at a start of a story it can be affective ...

I liked this. And I'd like very much for you to write it as a scenario. However, I liked that the reader could guess what was going on without specifically ...

I thought this piece was good. You might want to try adding more wordy details though. Unnecessary details are usually necessary. Also it might be a good idea to look ...

You better write more soon! I think this was a very great beginning. Your character thinks the same way as I do, so you must have displayed a very very ...

There are gramatical errors that I think you need to fix --- they can distract the reader from paying attention to the meaning of the words --- Also more gorey, ...

For this I have to say that you may have given a little to much background knowledge at the start. It, to me, disrupt the flow of the story. I ...

i am sorry, i dont kno much about poetry so i cant help you as much as i would have liked to. I liked this piece because the topic never ...

I like the thoughts it gives off... Injustice. unfairness. self-rightousness from the man of some impotance(who apparentlly is so sick that he can't even feed himself......poor soul :wink:) Some of ...

Since sooo many little details Have been covered allready I'd like to give the main character a psycho analysis just judging from her actions and thoughts.... She never liked the ...

I dont see what you should be embarrassed about. It's a story and it's down to earth that's all, taking the necessary humanly pace and what not. Just remember that ...

this is excellant. I agree with Seraph Tree the flow is very smooth. a Kind of ellegant. Not many writers can pull off the way your character introduced himself to ...

I like the idea that your piece gives off. It hits home for me. You have no idea.(...or mayB u do...) However, I do not like the structure of it. ...

this is going to sound very demented and strange. Sorry. From the very first line it just slapped me in the face. This is no lie I don't know why ...