Published July 14, 2009
There are purple blossoms,
like great bunches of grapes
being fed to a man of some importance
from the hand of a slave.
An odor too sweet mortifies the nose,
and sickens the belly,
as a hot despondency plays on the skin.
And I touch the tangles and creases
and bits that don't lie right,
under the singular surveillance
of lingering bees.
Oh grave new world,
that has such things in it.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I like the thoughts it gives off... Injustice. unfairness. self-rightousness from the man of some impotance(who apparentlly is so sick that he can't even feed himself......poor soul
)
Some of it is kind of unclear to me though. She is in a garden but i can't get the thought of a fat rich guy on a lawn chair in the middle of it. Also the character seems kind of bitter, which might as well be a good thing.
I don't know much about poetry but seems to be missing something.
ps.. Have you watched Quiet Man yet?
I really, really like this piece.
)
Despite what M. says, I do believe you are actually talking about flowers and not grapes; the first four lines are simply a long metaphor. If not... I still choose to interpret it that way!!
I also like lines eight and nine; in fact, I would say they are easily my favorite. (My, aren't my sister and I different?
Reading poetry like this gives me the childish urge to shout, "oh, goody!"
No lie.
This particular piece was fantastic- the bittersweet enjoyment of experience intermingled with sour disappointment at the meaninglessness of it all. Or at least, that is what it invoked for me.
Your style is also phenomenal- short, descriptive, experimental, fearless.
It engages every one of my senses then leaves them tingling and wanting more.
The only line I would change is l5:
"A too sweet odor mortifies the nose"
Keep your subject-verb relationship clear.
Awesome stuff.
BABS
Hullo,
I'm glad I came across this.
Should it not be:
"There are great bunches of grapes,
like purple blossoms,
being fed to a man of some importance"
I think the personal pronoun in the eight line is not only unnecessary, but bulbous.
“And I touch the tangles and creases
And the bits that don’t lie right…”
Such as:
“There touch, sore tangles and creases,
and the bits that don’t lie right
under the..."
Not seriously throwing out an example, just trying to illustrate the idea.
I thought the title was amusing, although it almost cancels out itself.
-M.
Wow, Nixon.
This is a really odd poem. I'm not sure quite what to say.
Forgive me for asking, but what's it about? I don't understand it. It's definitely intriguing, though.
The rhythm is a bit odd, but I don't see much wrong with it, seeing as it's free verse.
. . . yeah, that wasn't much of a review. But again, I just don't understand it to well. ^^
Cool image!
The last line doesn't really make sense to me
.....That has such things in it, in what?
Honestly I don't know what to make of this poem. I don't really get the purpose or the message it is sending.
Maybe add another short verse to make yourself more clearer?