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chocoholic

  • Lyrics » General, General Re: That sun don't burn the earth

    Well, I'm very inerested in this musical idea (it's something I'm considering myself) so I'm going t be very harsh. And feel free to PM me if you need any ...

    Jun 2, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: A Rightly Timed Pause (When Hearts Attack)

    I quite liked it. You said you had no tune, have you got oe now? Because I was using a simple tune and it worked for the entire song. The ...

    Jun 1, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Friends

    I'm not going to comment on your writing, since it seemed pretty good to me. But there are other things I'm going to say. I didn't really understand this. It ...

    Jun 1, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: Find love

    Before I critique this, I'd like to remind you that here on YWS we have a two for one reviewing policy. That is to say, you need to review two ...

    May 29, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: From A Gaze

    It's kind of funny. Before I left this morning I was lloking at this and decided to critique it once I got home. Well, here you go. And I don't ...

    May 26, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: Fictional Wizard

    I liked this. It's not what you usually see songs about, but it was good. I could get a tune in some places, but in others I was stuck. I ...

    May 25, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: My Inner Child Likes Chocolate

    Cute. I really liked this. I'm afraid I'm not a good critiquer of poetry, but I'll try my hardest. Her gran may not know what they are This line doesn't ...

    May 24, 2008
  • Short Story » Fanfiction, General Re: Seraphim and Serpents.

    Well, I finally got around to critiquing this. Here I go... The sky was dark overhead, and the acidic stench of blood and dark magic made it hard to breathe. ...

    May 24, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Dear Mr. Publisher

    Haha! I loved it. It was so funny. I'd work a bit on your rythm, I really had trouble in some places being able to makes it flow, but overall ...

    May 23, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Things Seen In Cab-Ride #276

    Jus so you know, I'm going to crit this poem as lyrics, since you replied to my lyrics critique request thread. Now... onto my critique! Overall, I liked it. I ...

    May 23, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Broken.

    This is going to have to be a quick review because I have to get ready for school soon. Here I go! The hospital light bathes me in a sort ...

    May 22, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: He doesn't see me

    I really like this. I hope you write more, it's really good. Is this your first time writing lyrics? Okay now I'll try to be critical. He sees me beautiful. ...

    May 22, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A Short Story: "Voices"

    I'm not sure I found this very interesting. It wasn't frightening, and it was pretty boring, to be honest. Daniel signed heavily and put the phone down; his office was ...

    May 21, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Looking Down the Barrel

    I like this, but I think it needs to be longer. Put in some more emotions and descriptions, extend it a little bit, and it should be great. It was ...

    May 16, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: storys untold.

    It's alright. My first bit of advice it to capatialize. It's very annoying to read a song with no capitals. Now, onto the critique. shes looks outside her window, hoping ...

    May 15, 2008


seeing this tag and going "oh what's this? :)" then getting slapped in the face with shady's good grammar is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
— SilverNight