chipsandguacamollie

Hey Kyla Marie! I don't want to waste time going over things others have already reviewed, but I feel I must briefly mention them anyway. Like ZannaShepherd pointed out, you ...

Feel the mist on your skin ; The first drop begins the storm . While more will plummet You'll always remember the first , The one the fell to allow ...

Wow. This piece was really good. It had a great fantastical air to it, which wasn't overdone, and had a lot of mystery. The ending was great, because it leaves ...

You Nap in your favorite corner , Curled into a ball of linty Stuff ; 'Stuff' is such a vague word, especially in poetry, where every word matters. I'd change ...

Ryan watched his dad go and pressed his thumbs to his tear ducts, as if to prevent the tears from coming. He stood up and walked over to Lacy, who ...

Okay, this is killing me. You are switching tenses in this story, which is one of my biggest writing pet peeves! So first off, decide if you are telling this ...

I had never really expected anything to happen between my best friend Carl and I. We'd been so close, I had thought that if we ever went any further than ...

Aunt Leona was here. She was never here except when she needed my parents’ assistance with family matters. T his sentence is kind of awkward. Maybe change the "She was ...

The concept of this story is something I haven't thought about before, which is why I like it. It's original and thoughtful. I do have a few minor critiques though. ...

The sunset drips over the hill, A blaze of red, orange and pink, Nice imagery here. Silhouetting the trees. A bird flies in the distance, Trying, trying to get home, ...

Whose eyes can see the angels Dancing on the candle wick? Smoke like translucent velvet Carries them away. Watch them float under starlight, Spread their iridescent wings. Look! Those colors ...

Hello, Chomperlover, and welcome to YWS! First thing, you should review at least two other peoples' works before you post your own, so make sure you get on that. Now ...

Okay, I'm not going to go line by line because you have very few grammatical or punctuation errors. I'll just give you a detailed overview instead. Plot The plot is ...

Spectrum The sea is a serene piece of music, every now and then, waves crash into my ears. This line seems a bit off with the line before it. Maybe ...

Large and majestic, Beautiful, commanding, Resting on the earth. Their wisdom budding in the leaves, The grass, the trees that climb up their sides, Towering up, up, above the clouds. ...