carbonCore

I'm starting to get the setting here. A spirit like Natsumi looks after some certain part of the land, including the animals that live there, the trees, and the earth ...

You use far too many adjectives, and sometimes get caught up in your own metaphor. It took me three readings of this piece to get a feel for what's going ...

Just a heads up: I've read the preceding chapters of this as well, so this review may include general comments drawing on those chapters as well as this specific chapter. ...

I'm not sure where you were going with this. Things start out well enough, when we are introduced to a lord and (presumably) his page. The lord is old and ...

I imagine there will be a lot of positive reviews for this work because of how well-written and realistic it is. And it is both of those things, I will ...

What is this piece supposed to say? There is no conflict that has been resolved; there are no characters that have been developed; there are a couple of moons, some ...

My suspension of disbelief was taut as a guitar wire by the end of the first sentence, and snapped completely in the middle of the second paragraph. Who drops their ...

Not sure what to think of this. It seems like either a metaphysical journey (which are largely meaningless without tons and tons of aside explanations that bog everything down) or ...

Hmm. This is a story about a closeted-gay schizophrenic committing murder-suicide. Poor Mariah. The most important line of this story, I feel, is "You have Casey worried". It colours the ...

The idea is interesting, but the execution is lacking. Needs less description, more action. For example: They were sturdy, thick, wide, and dappled with darker patches amidst the sea of ...

Some people eat fish, some people eat fowl, some people don't eat meat at all -- just like some people like adjectives, some people don't like them, and some people ...

Hazy and unfocused prose. The progression of plot is fairly obvious, but the specifics are blurry. Who was the girl at the end of the hallway? Who was the girl ...

This work feels like one that has been written for greatness. Because greatness was its focus rather a message or an idea, coherency of plot is ignored in favour of ...

Better than the original version. You've got a bit of good descriptive language there, emotions run high and are felt to one degree or another, and the ending is nice ...

Criticisms are in no particular order. - "Normals": the word makes me cringe. It's obvious that it refers to people who are not endowed with whatever magical ability that exists ...