Infinite.

Infinite:

I can feel it racing through my veins, speeding into the vital routes that connect to my heart.

I can’t tell what I’m doing, whether or not I am dancing and swaying to the beat, or convulsing and jittering on the ground trying to breathe through my corrupted lungs.

I see the lights, lights which I can’t differ from strobes and multi colored bulbs, or the flashing and the loud beams of sirens from the ambulance. 

I needed to stop, but couldn't find a way or gain any semblance of control to this life I had conjured up and sculpted into a fine print of what it was I couldn't stop myself from doing... I was addicted. Addicted not to this way of life, not to the way I saw the world, no... I was addicted to finding the one thing I needed... love. 

So what do I do?

I just breathe with my eyes closed, I feel lucky and evanescent to a point where I feel invincible. I feel through my sweaty palms the soft touch of the murky atmosphere and the heat radiating from bodies surrounding me. A lingering touch that stays and fondles around in my hands giving me a tingling sensation that overrides my sensory perceptions of where it is I am.

So up go my eyelids and I see them, the strobes and the flaring lights, blaring into my retina and from a faded distance the music pours into my ears pounding into my eardrums and making my body begin to grind into the dancing world of the nighttime club.

I move my arms up trying to touch whatever remains of this forbidden sky, and with one arm I move it to a punching manner at the sky, jumping up and down going at the rhythm of the music, becoming a body of electric, joining the plethora of hot young bodies jumping at the same beat I could not only hear but feel. I danced like never before.

My single arm just lying at my side slowly slid down my torso and to my waistline, going below the hem and reaching into my pocket. I could feel between my finger tips the small round entity inside: the pill shaped substance inside, and with one movement—swift and agile—I popped that tablet into my mouth.

It was pure ecstasy.

The colors poured and danced, the music no longer was what I felt: it lived and it flourished into my mind, pushing my body to gyrate and influence those around me to move in such a provocative manner.

 And this girl, female she was, came to me seductively moving and eyes powered through lust, craving something that wasn’t yet quenched through this marvelous power of heaven and hell combined.

Her hand firmly grasped mine moving it towards her pulling me along with it. She wrapped herself with it and grinded her hips into mine, feeling the hormones and emotions tantalize our fixtures of the term “want”.

She placed her hand on top of mine and stealthy slipped into mine a small rolled up piece of paper and a small plastic bag. That’s when I met this thing known as the white demon.

So she held her hand in a flat position, pouring the contents in the plastic bag into a line straight as she possibly could’ve gotten and with the other she handed me the rolled paper.

So what did I do?

I did what any person in this state would’ve done, I took the hit.

The demon found my brain and found the rhythm of my heart, beginning to work his wicked games: escalating my blood pressure, changing the beat of heart, blurring my vision and making my mind an unsolvable puzzle box. I saw in that instant the stars, universe, and life.

I sneezed and I shook my head to clear it up from the rush of life that entered me, giving me the white vision and uncontrolled state of my soul detaching slowly from this mortal self.

The music blasted and transgressed louder and louder, setting a spell onto this body that was bowing down to its command; she was the exact same way. We were living, in each other’s arms, being drunk not from alcohol but from the tablets and hits of white powder every 10-15 minutes of dancing; being controlled by the white demon and unable to give our bodies and minds to our own thoughts.

We were shinning in this dark hour, bright as diamonds and shinning like the northern star, both the moon and the earth, moving as a gravitational pull captivating us in this infinite dance that seemed to last for the end of eternity.

In that moment we, me, she… I was infinite.

I was beautiful, shinning, and free within the gaze of this demon that had now entered my life, me not wanting him to leave.

But where there is happiness there is bound to be sorrow, and when it came for me—the demon that is—when he came to claim his prize, I ran. I was scared.

So how did I cope with this instant fear?

I ran through the crowd, running from the white claws that were in reach of my young vitality, wanting my youthful soul to devour and satisfy his hunger and thirsty needs. I ran further and further, out of the club and into the streets past cars and through parks in search of a sense of heavens light.

I could see the headlights coming for me, and I could see his yellow eyes in the darkness, feel his cold shadow cross my own and sense his possession over me grow stronger and more pure for when his touch came into my own I stopped and in the glory of the moment it hurt.

I was hit by the car whose headlights I saw coming for me, my body in mid air flight and crashing gracefully to the rough ground; no holy ground, no stable ground, no I fell onto the asphalt and quickly the earth felt as if it were shifting beneath me.

The car stopped and out came a man; he began to run towards me, yelling: “Are you alright! Please don’t be dead! Wait! What are you doing, don’t do it please, wait, don’t!”

He yelled that because, while he was running I saw him, the devilish grin and the yellow eyes that threw fear into mine. The white demon was drawing near me, so I saw where I was at… a bridge structured above a freeway.

I crawled hastily to the edge and pulled myself up onto the railing, hearing the running steps of a man hoping I was okay and the scraping of a creatures claws enclosing onto my location.

So how did I handle this, what happened next?

I stood on top of the railing, and saw the clubs light flicker in the distance, the traffic was speeding underneath me quickly, whizzing and buzzing past, not noticing the human figure standing out of fear and anxiety.

I leaned out and I could still feel the rhythm, the beat, and the touch of the music that emits from the club. Yes, that was the place—a hopeless place—at which I was able to find a love. I shared this love with a demon, white he was, and in an instant he took everything from me: my identity, my self-worth, my individualism, and my control. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of what everyone would say in the morning, what it is that people would do, how would my family react, and how is this man running towards me going to feel?

“Wait! Don’t do this please!” he said endearing at me.

“I’m sorry.” I said sincerely.

“You don’t have to do this, just get down from there and everything will be alright.” He said gently.

“God bless my soul.”

My eyes closed naturally and my mind was cleared.

My breathing was restored to my corrupted lungs.

My body was relaxed and ready to die.

So I fell, fell from the bridge and collapsed onto the oncoming traffic, nothing but a pinch of pain and then into sleep I was attained.

Please forgive me, please don’t worry about me, please remember me as loving and as someone who had a taste for adventure, and mom… please pray for me.

He left—the white demon—he left and gave me control and the last thing I did was finally let go, detach myself from this world of reality and magic, of beauty and ignorance, of science and faith. To finally see this love that she, me, we, he... I had found in that one hopless place. 

At last I was infinite.

Goodbye.

Hello everyone! 

Jay here and I just wanted to say... 

Thanks to you guy's who read this short-story thing, and well yeah this is my latest story I've written in a while, sort of had a writers block and well yeah if you enjoi-ed this story than please go and read some of my others because I think you will like them as well. I appreciate the time you took to read this, thanks again, and please comment, reivew, tell me your favorite lines/things a bit fuzzy: you can do that all below and please do so because I like that sort of stuff, don't be afraid to go and read my others and review as well, you critics and fans (if I have any...? ._.) are always welcome! Lol. Okay well again thanks and well bye! 

-UNJ.xoxo.