bubblewrapped

An interesting idea, and you’ve certainly put a lot of effort into this poem. I think you need to do some work to improve it, however. Firstly, watch your rhyming. ...

I liked this - there's a real sense of memory and loss here. The image of the leather binder is explored well, but I think you need to work on ...

Edited to add a rating. Please be careful to rate your work correctly in future. Also, I think you might have better luck with these if you posted them one ...

I absolutely love this. Seriously. The idea of writing as a cheating lover is both hilarious and uncomfortably close to the truth. Still, there were a few things I thought ...

Welcome (rather belatedly, I admit) to YWS! I agree with xanthan - there are a few places where you need to play with the rhythm (and the rhyming) to get ...

It has potential, but there are several things I think you could improve on. Firstly, there are a few places where you don't actually complete the thought you start out ...

Well, I have to confess this poem didn't really make an impact on me. I'm not sure if it was the rhyme scheme or because you didn't really explain anything, ...

That...was actually pretty awesome. You think it's going to be one of those traditional angst-rant poems (no offense) at the beginning, but the tone and style are well-controlled and you ...

Hey Mat, Here’s your review, as requested :) Darren brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip. He swishes it around in his mouth and winces. “Yuck,” he ...

Hey Peanut, Here's your review, as requested :) Overally, I liked the concept of this poem, and it was handled well. Most of the things I'd want to point out ...

Hi Jasmine, Here's your review, as requested (sorry I'm a bit late - it's supposed to tell me when people reply in that thread, but apparently it's decided not to ...

That was awesome, Crysi. I particularly loved the "my lips temble/at the fermata" line and the way there was *almost* an internal rhyme in each verse, but not quite (it's ...

This was a lovely poem. The rhyme scheme felt a bit off, but I think that's just me anticipating rhymes where there aren't any lol. A few nitpicks; in places ...

I like this, but I think you need to develop it a bit. Why can't the narrator go home? What sense are we to take this in - is the ...

My suggestion for this poem would be to trim it down. Focus on one idea and explore it so that the poem has some clarity. I found it hard to ...