I don't know what to call it. And my punctuation is in great need. Do I put periods at the end of a thought even though its a poem? Do I only put it at the end of a stanza? Also I need help with the last stanza I don't want to add another line, but it looks weird being 4 lines. 4 lines, then 3. So...HELP!
I wrap my arms around me tight
The nightly chill breaking my bones
I hear the tinkling of the rain around me,
getting nothing but colder.
I watch the sun dip behind the neglected earth,
my rickety, metal chair wheezing
The thin windbreaker clutching my torso,
longing for the warmth of home.
But I can never return
So I sit
the stars shining all around me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
The punctuation was so-so, but I liked the description. If it wasn't 200 degrees in my house, I would have believed I was outside, enduring cold winds.
GREAT
-catfood
I like this, but I think you need to develop it a bit. Why can't the narrator go home? What sense are we to take this in - is the narrator hopeful, meditative, wistful? I'm getting the sense that s/he's lonely, as emphasized by the cold, but I want some more context - you introduce the 'can never go home' a little too abruptly, IMHO.
Also, the first two stanzas were very...well, boring. I did this, I did that - nothing much to engage the reader. I like some of your images - the wheezing metal chair in particular - but they don't seem to serve much purpose. I don't know, I guess I felt the poem was a little too shallow to be a meditation but not shallow enough just to serve as a snapshot of a moment, you know? Perhaps you could try pushing your ideas a bit, brainstorming, seeing where they go and what you want to do with them.
As for punctuation, as a general rule of thumb just punctuate where you would with prose - full stops at the end of a sentence, capital letters at the beginning and for proper nouns, etc. Once you get the hang of things you can start playing with it a bit, but it's best to learn the rules before you bend or break them
Hope that helps, and thanks for upping your review count!
Cheers,
~bubbles
Hey, Gift! Nice to meet you, I'm Evi. ^^ So, to address your questions:
Punctuation in Poetry
Really, it's up to you. Some people like to leave their poetry without any punctuation at all, although most of the more experienced poets frown upon that, so I think you need something. I, personally, like to punctuate my poetry exactly like I'd punctuate my prose or short stories. At the end of a sentence, put a period, and put commas where they're needed. That said, I'll go through your poem and add my recommended punctuation.
See? That's just my personal preference, and I see a lot of poets do that. Generally you do need to put a period at the end of each stanza, because otherwise that would mean having a sentence stretched between two stanzas, which wouldn't flow very well.
You'd either need to try:
I wrap my arms around myself tightly.
or
My arms are wrapped around me tightly.
I like the second one, because it shows something being described instead of something being done, and we all love description.
I love the concept of a chair wheezing (personification, baby!
~Evi