bubblewrapped

You have an interesting premise, but no substance. Also, no punctuation. Currently the poem just seems to wander through cliches, and I honestly think it would make a better song ...

Wow. Why didn't I know you wrote awesome poetry? Everything has pretty much been said, so I'll just repeat -- it's short, it's sweet, and it is brilliantly evocative. I'm ...

Mm. You have some interesting imagery in this, but IMHO it fails due to the fact that nothing is really connected and, ultimately, nothing happens. This poem feels stillborn: several ...

Hey there, This isn't really poetry - at least, not as currently constructed. It's more like poetic prose. Try reformatting so that you have proper line breaks and so on, ...

I agree with Mad, there needs to be a bit more ... emphasis, somehow. We have all these horrific words and images, but they don't have time to settle in, ...

Hey Amber, You've got the right idea, here, but there are several ways you could improve. Firstly, your description of the event is very prosaic and straightforward -- it proceeds ...

I love that second to last stanza - very powerful. I do feel that the poem lost some momentum in the middle though. From "I have tasted..." to the first ...

Hey there, welcome to YWS :) I agree with Antares about most things - this is kind of short and pretty confusing, so I think you should work on cleaning ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! Always nice to see some new faces on the boards :) Your story sounds very interesting so far. I love tales of lost mines and buried ...

This sounds like an interesting premise, but you have a lot of mistakes. Please try to spell-check your work before posting! Here are some of your typos/errors: in there beds ...

I must admit that I love this myth, and your retelling is excellent -- just the right balance between narrative and dialogue, and I love the fairytale tone. A few ...

I enjoyed this, and didn't see any inaccuracies personally, but I've never had a good head for history so don't quote me ;) I liked your characters - Maddy and ...

Whoa. I love this. Just the right blend of the lyrical and the concrete. Well done! As the plane headed back to the airbase, Max heard little prayers knocking on ...

I think this piece has some potential, but it's lost amidst the jumble. First thing I'd advise is to clarify, clarify, clarify. Get a piece of paper and in the ...

I agree with CMH about the repeated "endlessly" -- it's a bit jarring. Also, I kind of felt this would be better set to music than as a poem. It ...