bubblewrapped

This poem has some great potential, but you need to do a bit of work to bring it out. In my opinion, the lines in italics are unnecessary. The poem ...

A good start, but I think there's much you could improve on. Firstly, it is structurally very awkward and does not flow well. Your rhyme scheme, while more or less ...

To be honest, I love this just as it is. Kissthewitch is right in that"window" having it's own line makes it stand out, but I'm not wholly convinced this is ...

Beautiful. I'm not really sure what to suggest for improvement, as it doesn't really need it; a bit on the sentimental side, perhaps, but nicely pulled off all the same. ...

Overall, I liked this: it was very powerful, and the imagery was deeply evocative. It was, however, rather erratic, both in structure and in narration; you might want to work ...

Further to what CreepDan said, this poem needs some meat on its bones. Currently you are not telling us anything we did not already know and there is no imagery ...

Thank you for the entertainment, A.D.A., but your behaviour is uncalled for and against site rules. I am referring this thread to the Moderators & Admins. Best of luck with ...

“Hey, baby,” the woman called as Ian entered the house. “Hey,” he said, moving into the lounge where she sat and shrugging his coat onto a chair. He pecked her ...

I read it a few weeks ago, and like you I was struck by the simplicity and elegance of her prose. I'll add my recommendation to yours: definitely a must-read! ...

Another retelling of Psyche and Eros :D I found the twist with the vampires interesting, and the story itself was fairly well plotted. A few things I noticed: 1. Your ...

I agree with timjim that this seems like a vaguely focused defense of synesthesia. There were some interesting ideas in there, and I would love to see this topic explored ...

I like your premise here, and for the most part the execution is good. But I think it gets weak and a bit flabby in the middle - specifically, after ...

Like ringo_rules, I'm not much of a haiku fan, but they can be done really well when the words and ideas are chosen and constructed carefully. Unfortunately, I don't feel ...

There are basically two things wrong here: 1. The poem is completely impersonal. Although you write in first person, the reader is given no window into the poet's soul, no ...

Though the flow is slightly awkward, I think you manage most of this well. I did find the ending lines to be highly cliche and the schmaltz factor kind of ...