biancarayne

The message of this poem is certainly something a lot of people can relate too, and the imagery is definitely vivid. However, at the same time to me it seemed ...

This is definitely a very broad idea which you could do a lot with, however I think you limited yourself with typical arguments and phrases rather than branching out a ...

Like everyone is saying, there is too much repetition in here that does nothing to this poem but rather takes away from it's potential power. Also punctuation might help too. ...

Each recto containing; inner bombings, I don't know if the semicolon is necessary or not, but I don't think it is. We anger, struggle, experience- That sounds rather awkward to ...

There are a lot of grammatical errors in this that were minorly distracting. Also, I feel like you could work a lot on the character development and dialogue in this, ...

Her eyes gazed directly at the black scribbles I'm not sure if you should use the word scribbles, cause scribbles sounds more like a kid took a marker and wrote ...

replying on my ears to make sure my daughter was still safe. At first that part confused me, but I think you meant relying... Being our only child, Cammie Does ...

crimsom...spelled crimson I think. Betrayl should be betrayal. Other than that, this was nicely spooky with some very nice imagery. However, I do think that some of the words you ...

This is definitely a very interesting idea, and you've already thrown in some nice foreshadowing which promises more interesting developments to come. However, there were quite a few grammatical and ...

Rhyming, I think, is hard to do without seeming too cutesy, too cat-in-the-hatty, ya know? I don't think rhyming really worked with this either. It seemed to take away a ...

I think you might have given a little too much history...I mean, the history is good and everything, but somehow incorporate it into the story as dialogue or something so ...

Mkay, so there were just a few minor typos in this but nothin too seriously was actually a very well-written poem, and definitely a joy to read! However...why were the ...

Personally, I think too many of the ideas in this aren't unique enough...there's a lot of stories out there with mindtalk and bonding ceremonies. What's in this too make it ...

Mkay, so again with the shadow thing lol. Methinks you like shadows and demons... Anyways, first of all I think you need to say what the shadow is, like what ...

I think it was wonderfully descriptive, though perhaps again you could use a more unique way to explain things because as it is it seems to be less of a ...