Published March 9, 2007
Demons rising from the underworld below,
Weapons in hand, all different sorts.
Everything killed, hellfire falling from the blood red sky,
And Lucifer stands there, laughing away at the torment.
High up on his throne of skulls,
Lucifer joins the mayhem, burning the innocent and murdering the sinned.
Bloodshed scattered all across the lands,
And bodies brutally cut up, disassembled, and crushed.
Many people trying to run away, to get away from it all,
But nothing helps them, nothing works completely.
People looking towards the Heavens,
And look for their answers descending from it.
Angels flying down from Elysium,
Bows in hand, arrows ready to be launched.
Shooting down with their Power, killing hell-spawns,
The battle of the Underworlds begin.
High up in his throne in the Clouds,
The Lord purifies demons, sending them back to Hell.
Sending the souls of the dead through the Pearly Gates,
He guides them, saying everything will be normal soon.
As the souls that are alive cheer on, they die.
As they try to hide, they run into Death.
Lucifer looks up at the Holy one, anger spewing from himself,
And begins to fight, taking revenge on the Lord.
“Come forth!” Lucifer cries out, ordering God.
“Come down and fight the one you banished so long ago!”
The Lord looks back, at the souls scared for him,
And begins to descend towards the world he created himself.
Angels still shooting arrows with their bows,
Demons still spilling blood everywhere.
Both powers coming off from their mighty thrones,
And begin to join the fight of the Underworlds.
Angels dying, their bodies vanishing towards the skies,
Demons fading, their blood spilling towards Hell.
Lucifer, many weapons at hand, shoots fire towards Him,
And God, many weapons behind, casts light towards the Fallen Angel.
Today, watching the War rage on,
Mayhem still taking it’s toll everywhere around us,
The powers never dying, still fighting with everything,
And we pray, pray that everything will end soon.
Looking towards the Heavens,
Hell climbing out from under us,
Lucifer and God never backing down,
Armageddon is only beginning.
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I tried to write so many poems, but nothing worked until I came upon the beginning sentence of this one. I think I am a little repeatative though in this one, and that I did a horrible job... Hooray for me =P Any feedback? =D
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I agree that this was far too long; like I said in my last review on one of your pieces, a true poet uses fewer words, but those words are also stronger. Lay off the adverbs and adjectives and work on strengthening and refining the nouns and verbs you use; also, if you're telling a story, remember that in poetry you want the essence, the importance, not every mundane detail.
I think it was wonderfully descriptive, though perhaps again you could use a more unique way to explain things because as it is it seems to be less of a poem and more of a story, ya know? I loved the idea behind this, but I think you could definitely do a lot more with the Armaggedon thing than you did here and definitely put us right there more than you did...you explained what was happening, but for me it didn't really make me feel anything, ya know? I think maybe you should like tell more about how humans are reacting to the beginning of Armaggedon so it'll be more relateable...as far as I know lol few of us can relate all that much to angels and such. But anyways, again this definitely does have a whole lot of potential to be even more awesome than it already is, and it's a very promising start!!
I like the idea behind it, though really it is nothing we haven't seen before is it? I'm only wondering what you brought to it that we haven't seen before, and I'm not sure.
Like your other poem, I think you use too many words for the subject. You overwhelm us with words. I think for this the poem would do lovely with rhythm. (If you don't know what rhythm is, and how to use it, etc. be my guest and PM me and I'll explain
I really don't think I like it, just because it was so weighed down with words... in poetry you have to pay particular attention to words, because each and every word has to be the right word, don't give us a single line if it isn't the best you can come up with. Poetry is poetic, isn't it? So a lot of it is about word choice, and how you form the poem. I think it could improve so much if set to a rhythm, and if like with your other one, was maybe slimmed down or had better word choice.
Also, it's length was so long that by the end I was kind of tired of it. I think the ending is what made it so disappointing; it's so strong and story telling that it ruins the rest of the poem. Oh, it might even benefit from rhyming, also.
1. It's a place that Christians believe is the gate that lets them into Heaven ((I learned that!))
2. Death is suppose to be capitalized, like the Grim Reaper Death. =P ((In my opinion... >.>))
3. It's another name for Satan, "Fallen Angel" ((Read it in a book. =P))
Hey Janelle!
Wonderfully written, just found some capitalization problems. I'll change the color to red if I find it shouldnt be capitalized and I will change the color to blue if I find anything I have a question about.
Ok, the things I have questions about.
1. Is Pearly Gates a name or is it a place?
2. Death as in the demon Death, or just plain death?
3. I am not really sure if Fallen Angel should be capitalized.