ashleylee

I find this kind of lyrical. Sort-of. It starts out strong and then slowly floats to a nice tempo. It gets less powerful towards the end. My only suggestion is ...

Nice job! Very humorous. I was smiling all the way through it, sometimes even bursting out in laughter occasionally. I love how you flipped the fairy tale side of things ...

Interesting and mysterious. I think you have a start to something here. The only thing, it was kind of repeatitive. I know it's supposed to be like that but add ...

I agree with Lovablelittlesock: you don't have to try to make this rhyme. I think you are creating a wonderful mental picture with this but you are trying to hard ...

Very interesting! It told a story, which I enjoy reading. I could imagine everything going on in this poem. I can't really find anything wrong with it (which is good!) ...

I agree with the others above. This was a really good poem. It flowed well. You used nice imaginary words with feelings to create a picture. I also agree with ...

Hey, I get to be your first reply! :) So, I think this is a good poem. You have the bad and good sides of this child. It's kind of ...

Very random. Thrown together at a sudden moment. However, I found this kind of interesting. The end part when she ran away with the manikin made me smile. Very funny...but ...

Very spooky! I suggest that you expand so that you can get more descriptive with this "creature beneath the trampoline" Also, I think the ending was equally spooky. How she ...

Of course I enjoyed reading this as I did all the other chapters but I'm disappointed to find the (Will not be continued) sign at the bottom of this. I ...

I think I've actually read part of this before Kels. It sounds SO familiar. When did you start it? I think you had me read this a few years ago. ...

Kels, I really liked this, as I like all your other work. I don't think I've ever read this one and I'll be wanting to read more. The end left ...

I think you have a story forming here. You definitly have a nice flow but some of your sentences were too long. Maybe try to cut them in two or ...

Yeah, I thought this was quite interesting and nice to read but maybe have a more gripping beginning. Something that would make the reader want to continue on. That's my ...

I liked this poem. I really could feel what the character was feeling. I have just one suggestion: maybe use some description from the outside world. Like describing something other ...