I wrote this for the fun of it, if it's any good I'll follow up on it if not, no worries.
Oh I’ll tell you a tale; oh I’ll tell you a tale. I’ll tell you a tale that will rock your world, change it, stain it. Oh this is tale that will smear you with scarlet red, drown you in sorrow and misery. I’ll tale you a tale that will leave you cowering under your blanket. Oh suffer you will. I’ll tell you a tale. One that you won’t forget. One that you can’t forget. Oh I’ll tell you a tale…
The scream cut the night air like a knife through butter. The world was stained, the light sank, the darkness rose.
The rules have turned, today is our day. We rule the night.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....this is one is interesting. It seems like one of those more acquired taste sort of prologues since I can see how this is a complete piece that's meant to sort of drill up a specific type of reaction there but then if you look at this a bit objectively there is a slight sense of confusion in terms of what actually happens in here nor does it really feel like it has a proper ending.
Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing nor do you have to change it, but I thought I may as well point it out snice I'm not sure what style you're going for here as this only truly works if you fully embrace the confusion and the shock and mystery that brings to the table here. That's the only way this prologue will be effective in its current form anyway.
And so in that sense you have done a good job here. There's just the right mix of confusion and dangerous imagery and hints at things to come that it does create a sufficiently exciting atmosphere where as a reader you do find yourself wanting to find out more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Interesting and mysterious. I think you have a start to something here. The only thing, it was kind of repeatitive. I know it's supposed to be like that but add a little more detail here and there. It'll make it more readable, if that makes sense.
Overall, I think you have something here. Keep Writing!
Moderator's Note:
I removed the caps from your title and other places. Especially in thread titles, Do Not use all caps. If it is for artistic reasons, we understand and leave it alone, but that was obviously just an annoyance attention getting sort of thing. Please Don't.
I like the sound of it, it's very mysterious. The only thing is that you repeat yourself a lot, and even though it's most likely meant to sound very lyrical, it would do much better if you also added in other concepts. You know what I mean?
I’ll tale you a tale that will leave you cowering under your blanket.
**I think you meant "I'll tell you a tale..."
That is all.
Keep it up!
~Rieda