aeroman

I see that plenty of people have given you praise already. But I just wanted to comment on one thing. Simplicity One of the qualities of your narrative that I ...

"God, it's hot out," Stew said, pushing a tree branch out of his way. James and I rolled our eyes and kept on pushing through brush. Opening lines are fine. ...

My first suggestion is to give us a location and time period. I read the whole piece through and guessed that it was the American Revolution. The key word there ...

First off, I would advise against doing a prologue. Most prologues don't turn out too well in my opinion. Next, get rid of your whole first paragraph and start with ...

Luke balled himself up in the cellar corner waiting for her [s]to[/s] return. H e [s]quickly shone a flashlight beam[/s] shone a flashlight around the shadowy basement[s], as was his ...

Hey, Ember! I promised you a critique and so here it is :) When I read it was about samurai, I was intrigued. I don't believe I've ever read anything ...

I really enjoyed the difference in perspective. I've read and heard many holocaust stories, from Night to Anne Frank , and this one was very interesting because it's not from ...

“Better start running”, he said with an evil grin patting the shrouded cage beside him. “You’ve got a thirty second head start before I let it out.” He added teasingly. ...

I found this narrative very simple yet complex, a paradox. The realist completes the dreamer and the dreamer, the realist. Although neither has anything in common with the other except ...

When I first read the description of the man with the goofy glasses, the red pen, and the smile, beckoning 'you' closer I believed he had a sadistic evil about ...

This first paragraph doesn't feel right. Something is wrong with that second sentence. It's the tense. It should be 'Fall had finally...' if you keep it in present tense then ...

I have a ritual that I do everytime I'm deciding whether or not to read a story. I look at it. Look it up and down and decide whether it ...

This narrative has the potential to be very good. As I read, I thought to myself how wonderful the flow of the story is. The narrator is not necessarily a ...

Your story had a very weird tone to it. Not in a bad way. But in a good way. I had this almost unsettling feeling. Probably because the whole time ...

That was really just a fantastic little bit of writing. You're imagery and descriptions were phenomenal. Way to make a night walk really interesting! I really like how you described ...