Published November 15, 2007
1.
He said he talked best with his eyes.
They were icy blue and brimming with melancholy pain masked by endless eyelashes. He didn’t care much for words, preferring to speak through guitar strings and gentle glares that could seep through your ribcage and settle your heart. At twenty-one he declared himself a realist and chain-smoked menthol cigarettes to pass time. He never cried but his icy eyes screamed sadness.
Then she stepped through his steady smoke and refused to be silent.
2.
“What are you drinking?”
Her voice carried through the air like the sound of a symbol and she spoke again before he could answer.
“You’re in a band, right?”
He nodded. She was fresh faced and full of dimpled smiles that never felt forced. He offered her a sip of his drink and she took two.
“I heard you play the drums. I’m not musically inclined or anything, but I’m pretty damn good on the pots and pans.”
He laughed for the first time in a week and she spoke faster.
“Don’t get me wrong; I love music, but lyrics are sort-of my thing. I’m a writer.”
Then she swallowed a mouthful of sweet liquor and held out a miniscule hand.
3.
He was a realist; she was a fan of make believe.
He liked to listen to her speak as he chain-smoked menthol cigarettes and hid her hand in his heavy palm. She didn’t know what a chord was, and the first time she held his guitar she tried to play it upside down. He didn’t care much for words, but he loved to hear her stories.
He said he talked best with his eyes; for the first time in twenty-one years they cried happiness.
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141,342 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
I found this narrative very simple yet complex, a paradox. The realist completes the dreamer and the dreamer, the realist. Although neither has anything in common with the other except their love. A common tale but a good one none the less.
What I enjoyed about your story was that you had very concentrated points to all three parts that rang with poignancy. It was as if you stripped this tale down, stark naked, for the world to see.
It's unique.
This is cute! I really liked it, and /somehow/ the thing I liked most about it was that it was short, sweet, and didn't have much descriptions yet it's still satisfying as far as romance goes and the ending still had the same effect if it were to have been pages and pages long. So that is good. I really like this pair and I'm intrigued -- if you ever write more, I'd love to read it ^_^
I personally hate cliches'. But this was just *trys hard not to use all caps* great!!!! I agree with the person above me; your story is short and sweet, not to be ruined by things like too much description of hands. Go into her eyes, maybe. Don't change a thing, unless its grammer or some spelling, or if it feels like it needs something.
Thank you very much!
This is very interesting, intriguing. i wasnt sure if it was a poem or the beginning of a story. didnt matter though, it was very good.
the only thing i found was using the word miniscule twice. it seemed to stop the flow of the story. i may be wrong, but to much discription isnt always good. i could picture her hand better if it was worded different.
other then that, i really like this. it is different , and that is a good thing.
kim