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Re: Secrets: Prolouge
Whoa. this is actually quite interesting. grammar is in red . I am just confused about a few things. I stood in the middle of the storm, wind whipping the ...
Dec 21, 2010 -
Re: Perfect Flaws
I feel it. The eyes of society watching my every move. Even when I'm alone, the pressure haunts me. They follow me. No matter where I am or what I'm ...
Dec 20, 2010 -
Re: Hidden(Prologue)(I don't think its that good, but im trying)
Hello, Nice work! Just a few suggestions. 'We are now in the forest of a small, uncharted island. We hope to find people to study today.'- Dr. Cheryl Pasternak I ...
Dec 20, 2010 -
Re: Mathilda - beginning of something I'm working on.
Quick run through. this is actually good. Just a few suggestions. ( i am in no way trying to force you into anything/rewrite your work, i just review better when ...
Dec 18, 2010 -
Re: between the lines.
I just edited what i could see, since you wrote a lot. Just to make it a little smoother. Prologue How many moments in your life can you say "this ...
Dec 18, 2010 -
Re: Life Is But A Dream: Prologue
Prologue Everyone alive has a life of some extent . - This seems a bit redundant. What are you trying to say exactly? It is obvious that those who are ...
Dec 17, 2010 -
Re: My secret....
Really good poem. short, but emotional. ( i hope this isn't a true story) Scarlet lines trimmed with pink, Leaking upon snow white skin, Scar rimmed patterns on an ice-rink, ...
Dec 14, 2010 -
Re: Trapped
I think this is a lovely piece of poetry. I like how in the end, it turns out that you are the cause of your own suffering. You could learn ...
Dec 9, 2010 -
Re: Your Saying You're In Love
First off, let me start by saying Welcome to YWS" and all that comes with it.. This piece of literature has a lot of grammatical errors, but fear not! For ...
Dec 4, 2010 -
Re: Fallen
Nic epoem, just a few things. I lie in wait for I know my fate when I return to the skies they will surely see through my lies my wings ...
Dec 4, 2010 -
Re: A Sunrise for God *Edit*
Speaking on just a Literature perspective, this is a very good poem. I saw the spoiler, but i am still confused as to what you area trying to get across ...
Dec 4, 2010 -
Re: Lost
Really good! Just a few things. Walking down a road, People watching me. Wishing for my abode , - Here, know what you are trying to say, but when you ...
Dec 4, 2010 -
Re: Lost Sorrow
Nice poem. i love it. Good Job! Just a few grammatical/structural revises. Ever wish you could start again ? Flick a switch, Forget the pain you don't need to add ...
Dec 3, 2010 -
Re: A Lion Without His Roar.
My favorite part.- Just put me in a pet carrier. Because a lion without his roar is no lion at all. I like this. It is short and snippy, but ...
Dec 3, 2010 -
Re: More So
Eyes telling no untruth, Seeking out no flaws, my impurities Only friendship, my trust More so than a human. No pig in a poke In those understanding eyes. Nothing to ...
Dec 3, 2010
