Published December 9, 2010
I’m trapped,
You see,
In this cage,
This cage built for me,
I need to look inside myself,
To set me free,
I have to find the key.
I’m trapped,
In me,
Locked away,
In this steel cage,
Never to be engaged,
I’m alone,
Trapped with me,
And not another soul,
I’m stuck,
In this loop hole,
Of never ending deceit.
I’m stuck in this cage,
Alone,
Betrayed,
And never to be unchained,
I’m stuck in this cage,
This cage built by me.
(Kind of a revised rough draft. What does it need? Oh, engaged here means spoken to, no to be wed.
Review brutally.)
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Pretty simple and some of the lines and comparisons are kind of cliche, but the twist at the end definately helped make it a little above-average. It is a cool idea, and I think the only reason I wasn't huge about it for the most part is because it's just all been done before. But as far as poems go, this wasn't bad.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
It actually came in my mind as a song, with a steady beat to it. Almost a rap. It was strange. Thanks
I liked how it twisted at the end too, my favorite part.
XOChangeXO
I think this is a lovely piece of poetry. I like how in the end, it turns out that you are the cause of your own suffering. You could learn a lot about yourself from a poem like this.
( it would make a good song, too)
Overall, good Job!
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-jojo