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Re: The Nightmare Man
It happened again... Darkness swallowed me into the black abyss, dragging me away (here it doesn't seem rough enough for your later description, maybe 'wrenching me out of')u from my ...
Nov 16, 2014 -
Re: Minds in Communion
'Rahul’s story begins from a small place near Mumbai'- I would recommend substituting 'from', for 'in' We not exactly met- we HAD not exactly met He had become rich due ...
Nov 10, 2014 -
Re: Delete
Very interesting take on the idea of loneliness. You have captured the emotion perfectly, most people are not lonely because they are forced to be but because something, in this ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Rap of the River: Boy Toy time.
NEVER APOLOGISE TO PEOPLE WHO FIND PRO_GAY STUFF DISGUSTING OR OFFENSIVE OR RUDE. it completely takes away from the point you are making with this song, that homosexuality is normal ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Raindrop
This is really cute. It reminds me of the song 'raindrops' by regina spektor, have you heard it? one thing I would recommend when writing poetry is to read it ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Slice p1
This instantly made me want to read more. I admired how you managed to completely avoid any clichés whilst still working in some spectacular imagery. My favourite line was 'Oceans ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Shut Up Already!
For a rant you sound kinda angry, but you don't really back up what your saying. Whats a better way of expressing that hate? Its one thing telling someone not ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Love is Killing Yourself
Hiya This is rather impressive for something written in such a short time, although I must say your time limit was definitely noticeable. If you are interested in turning this ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: The Boy Who hated Lefties
So, my first thoughts. The poem flows rather well, one sentence leads in to each other and I can definitely imagine it being performed, which in my opinion is the ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Mirror walker (part 1)
Hi First off, this extract definitely made me want to keep reading, I feel like theres a good story brewing here. One thing I would recommend would be to take ...
Nov 9, 2014 -
Re: Delete
Hey, for a start, you just completely recreated my childhood for me and I really love you for that. First, If I were you I would refrain from mentioning cardboard ...
Nov 9, 2014
